Laura

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This Oughta Be Good

Entertainment > Humor > Puns Ahead
 

Puns Ahead

Puns for those with a slightly higher IQ.


Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

posted on May 26, 2011 8:42 PM ()

Comments:

I have always told Ted who loves puns that it is the lowest form of humor.
However, I have to admit that I love them.
comment by elderjane on May 28, 2011 10:04 AM ()
I like the wooden leg one.broke it off.priceless.
Those were fun.Think my IQ sparked a bit.
comment by fredo on May 27, 2011 9:53 AM ()
reply by troutbend on May 27, 2011 10:02 PM ()
Fun. I'm still trying to figure out the "time flies and banana" one. I must have a slightly lower IQ!
comment by solitaire on May 27, 2011 5:03 AM ()
reply by troutbend on May 27, 2011 10:03 PM ()
They "Like" a banana. Go get more coffee.
reply by jondude on May 27, 2011 5:50 AM ()
Love puns, love words.
comment by tealstar on May 27, 2011 3:13 AM ()
Seems like a long time since we've had any brain stimulation.
reply by troutbend on May 27, 2011 10:05 PM ()
I LOVE puns--I could read them all day!
comment by greatmartin on May 26, 2011 9:33 PM ()
I like reading them better than hearing someone deliver them.
reply by troutbend on May 27, 2011 10:04 PM ()
Excellent! I especially liked this one: "When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I."
comment by nittineedles on May 26, 2011 9:28 PM ()
reply by troutbend on May 27, 2011 10:05 PM ()
comment by marta on May 26, 2011 8:45 PM ()
reply by troutbend on May 27, 2011 10:05 PM ()

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