Memorandum-for: THE NEW YORK TIMES

NEWS AND EDITORIAL STAFFS

Recently there has been some confusion about The New York Times policies with regard to marriage and outside romantic interests. So that we all understand, I am restating them:

The New York Times must be notified and consulted in advance
before ANY arrangements are made for lifetime commitments, meaningful relationships, one-night stands or matinees (nooners).

Any amorous interludes that grow out of work for The Times
belong to The Times. They may not be consummated on the premises or elsewhere (e.g., in homes, public playgrounds or Ramada Inns) without the specific permission of The Times.

Further, we hope that all staffers will give The Times management (including certain specified top editors) first crack at new paramours, even when these do not develop as a direct result of their work for The Times. At the very least, arrangements for discreet viewing should be made available.

Repeated assignations will be reported to Jesse Levine in Syndication Rights. Technical difficulties or problems in performance, particularly if a system is down and can’t be gotten up, should be reported to Howard Angione in Systems Support. Unless written permission for an exception has been granted in advance, first-born sons, should there be any, shall be named “Arthur” (reference is to the publisher, Arthur "Punch" Sulzberger) because of the Times’s continuing policy, now merely restated, of jus prima noctis. If no marriage has taken place, he should be named “George”. (I am forgetting who George was.)

On a related matter, sexual relations between departments is to be encouraged in order to further the “happy family” atmosphere of The Times. A section of the cafeteria may be set aside for this purpose. The Magazine section, in particular, will be open to any and all propositions coming from the Third Floor. Times critics should withhold expressions of sardonic irony irrespective of the quality of the performance. (The Magazine will, needless to say, avoid pre-reviewing performances.) Those consummating a relationship with editors of the Travel section should, insofar as possible, avoid the use of the personal pronoun. (E.G., says “was it good for one?’ Or” Was it good for the traveler?”)

Away from the office, staffers may not accept “freebies” from public relations officers. (However, The Times does not pay expenses and such expenses as there are will be the sole responsibility of the staffer.) At Christmas time, staffers shall not accept any favors that have estimated values in excess of $10.

We consider these policies a matter of professional courtesy and common sense. If any questions arise, please refer them to the executive editor or the editor of the Editorial Page.

Yes, I miss that time.

xx, Teal