I've been going through my Word docs and came across this gem. Perhaps I have posted this before,I can't remember. It bears repeating. These are tips for the evaluator. I sent it to my bff Sue, who was for a time, my supervisor at The Times.


“Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig.”

”I would not allow this employee to breed.”

“This employee is really not so much a ‘has-been’, but more of a definite ‘won’t be.’”

“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”

“When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.”

“This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”

“He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”

“This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.”

“Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together.”

“A gross ignoramus: 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”

“He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.”

“He’s been working with glue too much.”

“He would argue with a signpost.”

“He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”

“When his IQ reaches 50 he should sell.”

“If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”

“Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”

“Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”

“He’s got two brain cells: one is lost and the other is looking for it.”

“If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”

“If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”

“It’s hard to believe he beat out one million other sperm.”

“Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. He only gargled.”

“Takes him two hours to watch ’60 Minutes’.”


xx, Teal