I made my decision and now must stick to it. My 18 year marriage is over. I won't ever take him back again, as much as writing that hurts me to my very core, you can only mess with me for so long and then I have to write you off.

Our nephew called and wants to come over for a cookout on Sunday, I had to give him the news, he doesn't blame me. I went through all of this all last winter and I can't do it again. Not that I don't hold some blame here, I drink I'm menopausal, I've got PMS and am totally a bitch from hell but that doesn't mean run from your home and play hide the dinky with some other bitch. If we really had a good relationship this wouldn't have happened time and time again. It takes two, I've taken myself out of the equation.

Two of the girls from work came over and brought me roses and teddy bears and have volunteered a whole group to come over on Friday to help pack up his stuff, I can't see him yet not for a few weeks if not months. By then I'll be in Houston with my Jenn. Jenn's been here for a couple of weeks but needs to get back to the little ones. She wants me to leave now but I need to finish a few things here. Hell I get my teeth in July. I haven't paid into this insurance for shits and giggles. LOL!!

I did take him off my insurance today and have removed him from the lease and he can't pick Ra up from school either. I covered all my bases and want everyone to know that I am truly done this time.

So, Ra made supper tonight, he's so funny. He took a can of sloppy joe mix, added cheese and hot sauce and then made his version of chili cheese dogs. Not bad for a beginner. He asked how he got so smart and I just grinned. He is his grandma's darling.

Ra and I made a blue scented candle tonight, He likes things right now, the thought that it has to sit overnight is killing him. Patience is not one of his virtues.

I'm so tired, I had to walk to work today and then walk home, 50 minutes each way. My feet hurt and my spirit is crushed, but a good nights sleep shall fix it all. Washing all the bedclothes and making a clean bed with a clean body does wonders for the soul.

I know I'm just rambling but it's keeping me from picking up the damn phone. Anyway, if I go away for awhile it's only because I'm surviving on my income alone...I refuse to take on a second job, so some things must go by the wayside. This too shall pass.

Don't feel bad for me, know I made this decision, sober.....he'll laugh, and with the thought that I will live to be at least 70 years old. Have a great night all.

Happy Cooking,
Sum