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You may want to clean your screen after you read this post. I've got a bad case of the sniffles and it could pass on via the internet. Who knows the life of a virus?
Now...on to the "rave of the week":
Hubby came down with a case of the old fashioned sniffles. Face hurts. Nose runs. Eyes look like road maps with all passages colored red.
Then he shared with me. How kind. How thoughtful. When I feel better I must remember to properly thank him for this. (Where did I put those old Army boots???)
Any how...I trot off to the pharmacy to purchase some medication that will cause this misery to hit the road and bother someone else. I stock up on soft tissue and large garbage bags that can withstand a ton of tissue. I also decided that Sudafed would be the drug of choice to accompany Tylenol and large amounts of orange juice. (OJ would be better with a touch of vodka, but better not mix with the meds. I ain't stoopid)
Rx person: May I help you?
Me: Yep. Need some Sudafed for the viscious virus that has invaded the nasal passages of my loved one and me.
Rx Person: I see. (takes a few steps back) Do you want the Sudafed that is locked in the safe and placed in the vault with a combination lock that is only able to be opened by one person every other day in the third week of the month?
Me: Yep.
Rx Person: May I see 72 proofs of ID, 56 of which must have a photo and one sample of your DNA from the inside of your mouth.
Me: Huh?
Rx Person: We cannot sell this to just anyone. You may want to go home and cook up a batch of meth and sell it to innocent people who are in need of poisioning themselves. Now, do you have the proper ID?
Me: I cannot even make a cake from scratch. Do I look like I could cook up a batch of meth? Hell's Bells...that involves cooking and I swore off that several years ago. Just ask my Hubby. He thinks "homemade" means I bring it home and take it out of a sack.
Rx Person: I still need to see your ID.
Me: What th'hell...I'll cooperate. I have to have relief from this balloon that is continuing to expand in my sinus cavities and causing my eyebrows to bulge.
I handed her my driver's license, two pieces of paper that says I'm a Registered Nurse in two states, my hospital ID badge, and a swab from the bucal area of the inside of my cheek. (OK, I just made up the last one.)
Rx Person: Hmmm. OK. *scans my driver's license bar code, copies the numbers from my RN licenses and drops the swab in a container* (OK, I lied about the last two items) She actually DID scan my driver's license bar code and made me sign the computer thing that always makes your signature look like some foreign language.
After signing over the deed to my house, I left the pharmacy with thoughts of the much anticipated relief soon headed my way. Oh yes, drugs are a wonderful thing. Better living through chemistry!
Hubby took the meds, drank the juice and was better within 24 hours.
I took ONE blasted Sudafed and thought my heart was going to burst forth from my chest and go running down the driveway straight into on coming traffic. Holy Cow! What a strange sensation that was.
In a more rational moment, I remembered taking Sudafed several years ago and having some heart palpations. Funny how your memory comes and goes when your head is full of a mean virus.
Finally after a few hours of wondering if I should update my will...I decided I was going to live and the heart rate came back to some normalcy.
Tylenol and juice and soft tissue would sustain me. Hubby could have the dreaded Sudafed.
Today I'm better and decided they could keep that medication locked up forever.
Plus, I decided Hubby could get off his own death bed and sign his life away to purchase the meds from now on.
Mz Scarlett...AHHHHHH-CHOOOOOO! (Wipe your screen, please.)
