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Just when I thought the tiara (made of beer cans) and the septer (made from an old fishing pole) and the cape (made from an old chenile bed spread) were mine for the keeping...along comes someone who de-thrones me from the title of "Queen of the Rednecks".
Remember the statement about drinking bottled water because the water here makes you stoopid?? Well here is the latest installment of "Why I drink bottled water". Once again, hand to Heaven this is true. Hell's Bells, you can't make this stuff up!
Hubby and I stopped by the Post Office on Monday to drop a card in the mail. Yes, I know it was a holiday, but the mail still goes out. We pulled into one side of the parking spaces in front of the building and I fumbled in my purse to find the card. (Hubby is positive Jimmy Hoffa, Amelia Earhart and Elvis are all alive and well in the bottom of my purse.) A car pulled in one of the spaces at an angle to us. I guess it was a car. I saw a lot of duct tape, cardboard and heard the gasping sound of a motor on life support. The driver kept the "car" running while the female got out and went into the P.O. He was probably afraid to stop the engin for fear of being stranded.
Sometimes you see things that you just cannot stop yourself from watching. It burns images onto the retina of your eyeballs and won't go away for days to come. My facial muscles are sore from laughing. I'm sure glad my bladder was empty!
She got out of the passenger's side. I'm sure shampoo, deodrant and Tide are foreign words to her. The car probably has had the oil changed more frequently than does her hair. She was barefooted. Walking on the pavement that contained God knows what germs, gum and other disgusting stuff. She had a cigarette clamped in the side of her mouth.
As she approached the building, she stepped up on the curb of the entrance and turned around. She then stooped down as if to pick up a newly found treasure. "Bless her little heart," I thought. "She has found a quarter or some other coin dropped by a patron". Nope, I was wrong. She was not picking up something, she was making a deposit on the curb. She removed the cigarette from her mouth, laid it on the curb so the firey end was off the edge and the end that goes in the mouth was placed on the pavement. The part that goes IN HER MOUTH is lying on the area where people walk, spit and do other disgusing things. Oh well...at least she didn't flip it over in my direction.
It gets better folks. Stay with me. She came out of the building, stooped down and retrieved the cigarette, flipped the ash off and returned it to her mouth.
What in the name of all that is Holy was she doing? Could she not leave it in the ashtray inside the car? Ask the driver to hold it for her?
Hubby and I just sat there. Words escaped us until I said softly, "did I just see that or am I having hallucinations from the heat and sip of tap water I took this morning?" He just shook his head and mumbled something about Big Foot's daughter coming to town.
Near by we have a wonderful theater called "The Tivoli", we have the "Soldiers and Sailor's Memorial Auditorium", we have the UTC Round House. All of which have provided us with hours of entertainmnet. We have seen Red Skelton, the Statler Brothers, Lewis Grizzard and even Cher in concert in these buildings. The best shows are on the streets of my own town. Save a little money, sit in the parking lot of any place in my town and get entertainment that is beyond description.
Yes...they walk among us and they multiply.
Mz Scarlett...recovering from a Red Neck Attack!
