Ah yes, the age-old battle that every bride n' groom must face... the damn guest list.

So, last night J had a little chat with his mom. She asked him the same question that she had asked me only a few days earlier, innocently pretending that she didn't know the answer. Maybe she was hoping to get a different one, I don't know...

I was sitting beside J at the time, and I could hear her voice sweetly question him through the phone, "So which of your relatives did you invite to the reception?"

Aside from the grandmas and immediate relatives like Bro and SIL, J named off the usual gang of suspects -- his two aunts, and his one uncle.

"Well, that's just your father's side," his mother nudged. (She never actually pointed this out to me in our earlier conversation. Instead she saved the interrogation for her son. Ha.)

Now, it's worth mentioning that J's mom was an only child. She doesn't have any brothers or sisters... so there are no immediate aunts or uncles to invite. As a result, she feels that it's only fair that we invite great aunts and uncles and second cousins instead. Relatives that J has absolutely no relationship with.

J explained that our venue can only comfortably hold about 60 people. (We might be able to squeeze a few more in... but it would be pretty cramped.) And I tell ya, it's amazing how quickly the numbers add up between just the friends and relatives that we are actually close to. For instance, my mother has three brothers, and my father has four brothers and one sister -- and I'm close to all of them... well, except for one, who I haven't seen since I was maybe a teenager... so obviously his family is not invited.

Knowing that most of my relatives won't be able to attend, I admit that I've sent out more than my quota of invites simply out of respect and acknowledgment. I already know which ones plan to fly out and which ones won't. I've left a buffer for the couple of "maybe's" who haven't decided yet. However, I think it bothers J's mom that her family is being overlooked -- even though she has no one to represent her side, except these distant relatives who, again, J has no relationship with. It's also worth noting that these distant relatives probably would attend, because while they're distant in the heart, they're very close in mileage, and only live about a few hours away.

So, when J explained that our venue isn't very large and that he wasn't close to any of these people, she sighed, "It's your wedding..." in her usual guilt tripping style that mother's do best.

Groan.

Oh well, I know the drama could be A LOT worse than a subtle sigh and a guilt trip. Believe me, I know. But because we're eloping and paying for everything ourselves, we figure that no one should have a say in what we do, except for the two of us. Even so, the damn guilt is eating away at me (if not J). Not just because of J's mom's trademark guilt trips, but mostly because I met most of these relatives at Bro n' SIL's massive wedding last month, and upon introducing themselves to me, many of them added, "I guess we'll see you again in September!"

Sigh. Kinda presumptuous, no? ;)

So, this morning J n' I were discussing our options via Messenger, and decided that we would just friggin' give in and let his mom invite just a couple of the aunts n' uncles that she was closest to. If we have to cram in another table, then so be it. Mere moments after J wrote, "I'll ask her for their addresses this morning" he stumbled across the following article on CNN, and man, I LOVE it! I only wish we were ballsy enough to submit a survey like this to our friends and family! Hmm... well, not everyone has RSVP'd yet... it's never too late. Ha. If only I could rig something like this up to our online RSVP system... now *that* would be awesome.

Should You Be Invited To My Wedding?
By Audrey Irvine


(CNN) -- One of my girlfriends recently got engaged. Before we could even bask in her happiness, the conversation turned to the dreaded guest list.

Fun questions like, "So, honey, do we have to invite your great aunt, whom you haven't seen since you were 10?"

So, who should get an invite?

Too often, women are pressured into inviting way too many people to their weddings out of a sense of obligation. Parents, prospective in-laws and grooms can turn a simple wedding into a grand affair.

And as soon as that engagement ring catches her eye, that occasional lunch acquaintance feels entitled to share in your happy nuptials.

Then you realize too late that the majority of people at your wedding don't really know you or what has been going on in your life up until your big day.

This quiz is something I shared with friends years ago and feel inclined to share with other women.

Here are 10 questions couples can use to trim that guest list and weed out the people you really don't want at your wedding.

1) Name the city I'm living in now (Good one to weed folks out, especially if you have moved a lot. Don't use this if you've lived in the same place for 10 years).

2) Name at least two of my closest friends.

3) Name my current employer and my past employer (Again, if you've remained in the same job for 15 years, this does not apply).

4) Do I have any kids?

5) Do you know the name of my fiancé? Bonus question: Where and when did we meet?

6) Do you know where my parents are and whether they are still alive? (Imagine a friend at your wedding asking how long have your parents been married when they divorced years ago).

7) Name at least two of my hobbies.

8) How old am I? (My favorite is when family friends would query, 'Are you 28 now?" Imagine their surprise when I proclaimed, 'yeah, 10 years ago!')

9) Where did I go to college? (Some people might not remember whether you attended college or even graduated.)

10) Name my last boyfriend before this engagement. Bonus question: if you can name the last two and why we broke up. If you get the bonus question right, that might automatically get you in.

Scoring helps determine whether you get invited.

If you score 50 percent or below, you definitely are not getting invited.

If you score barely over 50 percent, you are on the waiting list. If someone who scored better than you cannot attend, you might get an invitation. This barely acceptable person who might be invited may get you a great gift because of their guilt for scoring so low.

If you score over 60 percent, you get an invitation.

Now, you don't have to be as extreme as I would love to be and send these questions with the save the date card. However, imagine if, over the course of your engagement, you pitch these questions to a few prospective guests just to see how they do.

In the end, what matters most is a beautiful wedding day and a sustained marriage.

Wouldn't you like to celebrate it with loved ones who are invested in your past and present in addition to your future? Plus, it will help you avoid the embarrassing introduction of your new husband to someone who didn't even realize until that moment that you didn't marry your college sweetheart, whom you haven't seen in 15 years!