Oh what do you know
Our friend guilt trip Joe
Who lives just down below
We invite you out almost every night
But you never want to go

Then last night you start to rant n' rave
Because you hate this city
We're supposed to be your best good friends
And yet we treat you sh*tty

What about on Friday
When we called you on the phone
You'd rather sulk in your room
And hang out all alone

Saturday we called again
"Hey man, come up and watch a movie"
Still, you declined
Which was just fine
But these guilt trips aren't too groovy

Then just the other day
We were on our way
To grab some beers and food
While heading out
We gave you a shout
And you were curt and rude

"Three strikes you're out"
I said to J as we walked into the pub
"Let him call us"
J agreed as we ordered up our grub

Still, we should've seen it coming
We should've known it all along
That there would be a reason
And of course, we'd be in the wrong

Just yesterday
You confronted J
And your attitude was foul
"You never call! We never hang out
I feel like throwing in the towel"

"I'm unemployed. I'm alone all day
I'm 45 years old and single
I have no prospects for the future
I want to get out there and mingle"

"You have your life. You have your Mel
You never make the time for me!
My life sucks. I hate this town
Don't you get it? Don't you see?"

J bit his tongue and listened
While you whined and made a fuss
Then finally he spoke up,
"When's the last time you called us?"

Choking on your harsh words
Because you know the fact is true
Spinning on the defense
You blurt, "I'm not attacking you!"

Now believe it or not, we do care
We understand that you're depressed
But these guilt trips, man, these guilt trips
Can you please give them a rest?

We know you don't mean to be a dick
You blame your anti-smoking pill
But your guilt trips have gone on for years
And I really wish you'd just chill

So tomorrow night is Friday
And you can count on us to call
But lay another funkin' guilt trip
And you won't hear from us at all!