1. This was written two years ago.
2. Don't attack me for
a. the reference to gods (strictly metaphor.)
b. the parody that this piece presents (humor lives!)
c. being a misogynist (I'm not.)
3. It was written as a column for a newspaper. I got six awful letters because of it... and one superb letter from a marriage counselor. So I must have written something good in it.
d. The last paragraph says it all.


MARRIAGE IS A FARCE

Marriage is a farce. It may not be a farce to you, but it is to me. It is sometimes called an “institution.” I can vouch for that, because I have been “institutionalized” in two marriages.

Marriage is supposed to be a way for two people in love to make a contract whereby they will abide together “till death do us part.” It is also a neat way to collectively own property and get some tax advantages. This is a good deal in some cases. In most cases, however, it doesn’t last.

Marriage is based on monogamy. Some animals, including human beings, are supposed to be monogamous. That means they mate for life with only one member of the opposite sex. Throughout history mankind has proclaimed our monogamy. Therein lies the farce.

Monogamy means to only have sex with that one member of the opposite sex. Sex is an important feature and benefit of marriage. In fact, it’s so important that it is the top reason so many marriages fail.

Humans are different from most other animals. We are one of the only species whose females tend to be the more colorful gender. For example, males birds are more colorful than females. It is the male Cardinal that is red. The female is ruddy brown. Take the peacock. The male peacock also has more colorful feathers. He struts and fans his brilliant tail to attract a female at mating time. He screeches loud and irritating sounds. The females vie for the most colorful and noisiest male peacock. The male with the most beautiful display and egregious cry wins the more aggressive female in the flock as a mate. While they don’t actually get married, the couple immediately gets intimate.

The mating instinct is what prevails. Females are attracted to the most successful genes. That peacock with the best act wins his pick of the hens. His genetic code gets passed on when their eggs hatch. Life goes on.

Humans are a bit different from peacocks. Men are not the more colorful gender. Oh, they may strut and show off, but it is other characteristics in men that attract the opposite sex. Female humans are not impressed by feathers and loud noises. They like muscular bodies, sharp mental abilities and particularly muscular bank accounts.

My second wife was impressed by my former physique, true enough, but I believe it was my mental acumen that attracted her the most. I had nothing approaching a “muscular” bank account. I also had a snappy sports car that may have played a role.

We got married and lived in Southern California at the time. In retrospect, I now understand what made that twenty-year marriage come apart. It had to do with that monogamy issue.

I believe that my ex-wife was the type who as soon as we were married began to look around for my replacement. I also believe it was due to that genetic thing – the female drive to find the most appealing and successful gene pool. She was not very monogamous. After twenty years she finally found a surfer who owned a nice boat and moved in with him.

I have a theory that marriage is an invention of men. Men tend to be more jealous and possessive. The marriage contract has advantages for men who are like that. It supposedly assures fidelity. Women know better. Marriage assures nothing of the kind.

I believe that some ruler in the very remote past invented marriage to keep his wife from mating with the servants. After all, a King would have the power to do that. Furthermore, I believe he made it a religious rite that declared the penalty for breaking the vows would be the wrath of the gods, perdition, the fires of hell, eternal damnation and all that.

The King, of course, was above those limitations. After all, he was the supreme ruler. He was exempt. So he had a harem of beauties, just in case. The wife was not allowed to have a harem of men.

No woman would have invented such a thing. Women know about that genetic urge and in many cases apply it. My ex-wife developed it to an art.

I do believe in true love and the power of carrying it through a good marriage. There are examples of it everywhere. In my case, with the wisdom of (ahem) age, I lost an essential ingredient in making that possible: trust.

I trusted my mates and was in turn a trustworthy husband. I never strayed. I never broke those vows. That was what I thought would make me a good husband. Unfortunately, it mattered little. After my last marriage I realized I had a fault that did matter. I could no longer trust. Without trust there can be no true love.

I believe a good marriage is made before the ceremony. It is when the couple are so completely truthful with each other that they establish the rules of their relationship based on trust and truth. If they are both sincere, they will create a successful marriage this way.

Jon L. Adams
49 W. Perry St.
Tiffin, Ohio 44883
1000 words nonfiction
©2006 Jon L. Adams