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News & Issues > On the Rejection of the Validity of Abstinence
 

On the Rejection of the Validity of Abstinence

In recent years, I have noticed a trend in the news, in politics, in education and in entertainment toward increasing ridicule and rejection of the validity of abstinence as an effective means of birth control, among other things. As a pastor of a church, obviously, this issue represents more than just a political or social concept. However, leaving the morality of the issue aside, let us consider the facts.
Abstinence and those who advocate it are repeatedly cast in a dubious and often ridiculous light in the entertainment industry. Television shows predominately paint abstinence advocates as trite and antiquated dolts who could not logically defend their position if their life depended on it. Many times, the portrayal includes a gross moral failure on the part of the advocates "so-called".
The news media seems to be in agreement with Hollywood on this. Some reporters, or perhaps the blame lies at the feet of their editors, seem all too eager to elaborate on the details of the moral failures of anyone who at one time advocated abstinence.
Politicians...well, do we have to go there? Unfortunately, Governor Palin, who I'm quite sure advocated abstinence teaching, was suddenly faced with the hard, cold reality that her own daughter became pregnant out of wedlock. Needless to say, that prompted a heartless feeding frenzy in certain circles. Frankly, I'm sorely put out by people who gleefully point out the moral failures of "the other party" when everyone knows that biblically neither party is morally superior to the other. Additionally, both parties have had their share of sex scandals, a fact that should have put any stone casters to rest a long time ago.
In education, suffice it to say that abstinence has been all but laughed right out of the classroom.
At this point, the conversation could go in a hundred directions. I'll try to stay close to my point. I am of the opinion that abstinence has been rejected out right by most for the following reasons:
1. As a result of the sexual revolution/liberation of the 60's and 70's, many who are parents today certainly are not going to hold their children to a higher moral standard than the one they lived out as youngsters. After all, that would be almost hypocritical, no? So, we continue to lower the standard, because we didn't hold it any higher ourselves.
2. Abstinence has its foundation in religious teaching. After all, it is primarily religious people who have a problem with the idea of sex outside of marriage. The rest of the world doesn't have a leg to stand on. Remove the concept of "god" and "holy writings" from humanity and you have absolutely no basis on which to build morality, especially on the issue of sex outside of marriage. If there is no God, or at least no moral God who gives a flying flip about what we do here, then I can have sex with whomever or whatever I want, and at any age and under any circumstances as long as it's consensual. Since America is becoming an increasingly atheistic or at least agnostic country, abstinence is falling by the way side.
3. Abstinence has been ridiculed as a failed experiment. I think I know why. You only hear about the failures. No one is reporting the literally thousands (dare I suggest millions?) of couples around the world who are virgins until the day they are married? No one is out flaunting their virginity, because traditionally those who maintain it are much more modest than those who do not. We are sure to hear about Governor Palin's daughter because Governor Palin advocated a high moral standard that she was not able to maintain in her own home. May I suggest that her daughter is the exception and not the rule?
I could go on to talk about the advantage abstinence teaching has over ALL the other related concepts, but I think I'll save that for another blog.
I'm genuinely interested in hearing your opinions about this. If you're rude or act like an idiot on my blog, I'll tell your mother. So, behave yourselves!
Thanks for stopping by!

posted on Nov 13, 2008 9:57 PM ()

Comments:

I think teaching abstinence is great, but I also believe that regardless of what is being taught, or what is expected, teens face greater temptations these days to have sex. With the awareness of sex, teens need to know about practicing safe sex. The ideal is to wait until marriage. However, there also needs to be a time when parents sit down with their kids and have the 'talk.' Kids need to know where the parents stand. Eventually, every teen will face the decision on whether or not to have sex. It is during this time that they need to know about birth control, STD's etc. I am not trying to sound like I have a double standard, I just feel very strongly that every angle is considered on this very touchy topic. With more families having both parents that work, unfortunately, that means that teens are alone more than ever and will face this topic head on. What will the teens do? What will guide their decision making process? Will they respect their parents wishes? Will they make the right decision? There's no telling from one person to the next. Some will choose abstinance and others will choose sex. If they choose sex, I hope they use protection. Anyway, sorry if I'm babbling...go easy on me now..
comment by hopefields on Nov 24, 2008 11:48 PM ()
Teaching only abstinence is a problem. It doesn't work for everyone, especially in a society where self control is lacking in many things. People should know what they are getting into and why they shouldn't do any activity until they are ready for the commitment that comes with it. That goes back to responsibility for one's actions, which is another thing that's lacking.
comment by stiva on Nov 20, 2008 9:38 AM ()
I can say that I was a virgin on my (first) wedding night, but a lot due to my strict Biblical rearing and fear of my dad too. (Just being honest.) I can also say that I understand what Annie had to say about giving a part of herself away when she was physical with a man because I too have done that. Perhaps that is why it has taken me a long time to "find" myself. I completely agree with abstinence. I have always told my children and even their friends and others that once you have sex you always have sex in a relationship, so it is best not to have it.
comment by busymichmom on Nov 15, 2008 10:03 AM ()
Wonderful post and yes it does work 100% of the time.
comment by texastar on Nov 14, 2008 10:07 PM ()
Very interesting article. I think you hit the nail on the head when you wrote, "No one is out flaunting their virginity, because traditionally those who maintain it are much more modest than those who do not."
comment by mellowdee on Nov 14, 2008 9:10 PM ()
Excellent article. Raising a teenage girl right now is frightening. I know what she's been taught and I know I'm not always with her. I didn't wait till marriage to have sex. My kids know this. I don't know how I can expect them to wait? But I'll sure try.
comment by shesaidwhat on Nov 14, 2008 5:26 PM ()
I am now 60 years old and I have made a lot of mistakes in my life which if I could go back and change.... I would. I was sexually active very early in my teen years and was pregnant when I finally married at age 20. I'm not proud of these facts. Plus, I've had to deal with a lifetime of painful memories which have not faded with growing older. Each time I gave myself physically to a man, I gave a part of me away. By the time I married, there just wasn't much of "me" left. If I could relive life... I would have waited until marriage. I think that is what God would have us to do. It is for our own good.
comment by anniel on Nov 14, 2008 3:30 PM ()
I am another prude along with nittineedles. It worked for me.
comment by nenah on Nov 14, 2008 7:40 AM ()
This was a good post. Abstinence is the ideal but I think one should also teach sex education in the home and be sure that there is birth control information in your sex talk. A teen pregnancy is a tragedy. I don't like the idea of children having to raise a baby before they are adult enough to really appreciate the responsibility.
comment by elderjane on Nov 14, 2008 5:51 AM ()
What can I say? I'm proud to be called a prude.
comment by nittineedles on Nov 14, 2008 1:09 AM ()

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