First of all, I have to give a shout out to everyone out there waiting for an e-mail from me.

I’m sorry.

My time in front of the computer is pretty limited these days. And when I do manage to eke out a few minutes to myself in front of the whirring, buzzing screen, I have to choose whether I want to read, post or e-mail.

I usually choose to read. There are so many of you posting wonderful articles and I hate not being caught up on the day to day lives of the folks on my friends list.

But I also need to post. Because there is always so much going on to catch up about.

But I also want so very much to continue with the e-mail threads I’ve got going with more than a few of you.

Right now, I feel like I’m constantly in a state of catching up. In both blogland and in real life.

Bare with me, okay? I haven’t forgotten about you. Janetk is just plain strapped for computer time. And as is the case with many of you, my computer time is my down time. And when Mama ain’t getting her down time, Mama ain’t happy.

Now where was I?

Oh yes….I am sorry.

Now on with the post!

Emma woke up in a snit this morning. A really, really huge snit. It started with her not wanting to wear her rubber boots to school. Granny and Grandpa (my Mom and Dad) took her and Kate shopping yesterday evening after a dinner of baked potatoes from Burger King (yes, I have the weirdest children ever) and bought both girls new sneakers for Spring. It was very, very nice of them. The girls needed new sneakers for the new season, their fall sneakers having been outgrown or outworn.

The downside to new sneakers is the desire to wear them even if the weather isn’t cooperating.

So, that’s how the snit started. Rock explained to her that while there wasn’t any real snow left on the ground (can I get a woo-hoo?!) the ground had frozen last night which meant that when it thawed out today in the warm air and sunshine, it would be damp and maybe even a bit mucky in spots. It was important to wear her rubber boots to protect her feet and furthermore, we wouldn’t want her to wreck her new sneakers by wearing them in the mud.

This rationalization was, as you can probably guess, completely and totally lost on Emma. She cried. And cried. And cried. She screamed. And screamed. And screamed. She name called. She stomped. And then she cried some more.

And Mama stood there * knowing * in that clear Mama way that it wasn’t just about the sneakers. Something else was so clearly going on.

Rock eventually left for work, fed up with the snit and fit as a whole, saying, “Have a good day * snicker *” to me as he left. He won’t be home tonight until the kids are all in bed because he’s got something like five or six estimates to be done in town. As soon as the car pulled out of the driveway, I told Emma to meet me in my bedroom.

She screamed and cried all the way down the hallway and then stood at the end of my unmade bed, put her hands on her hips and barked, “WHAT?” at me.

I told her to get up onto the bed with me. She’s now too big to really sit comfortably in my lap so I put her between my legs, wrapped my arms around her and held her head next to my chest. She started to sob. And then I got the whole story.

More trouble with little girls in the classroom and on the playground. Stupid spoiled rotten little fucking brats….but I digress. * blush *

It’s the same scenario as a few months ago. Different girls this time, though. One of whom has been mentioned by Emma on several occasions. She sounds like a real treat, this little girl. But again, that’s the Mama bear in me standing up on her hind legs and roaring.

I held Emma close and gave her the “real friends” talk. I told her to find someone else to play with, let the other girls have each other, don’t let them use her jump rope, or play alone with something else. Life is too short to hang around with people you don’t like, am I right? I gave her the “sneakers instead of rubber boots won’t make a difference” speech, even though every part of me wanted to just let her wear the goddamned sneakers, let her have wet feet and let her wreck the white uppers. Every part of me, * always * wants to just make it easier for Emma.

I see so much of myself in her it scares me sometimes.

I made her feel a bit better, I think, but she still wasn’t convinced that I really knew what I was talking about. And let me tell you….THAT is a very humbling moment for any parent.

Then I leaned forward, after she was done crying about not having any friends and I whispered a secret into her ear. I told her that it was just a Mommy and Emma secret. Not for anyone else to know, yet.

I whispered to her that a very special friend of hers was coming to see her on Friday. Her eyes lit up and I swear, I wish with everything I have that all of you could see the look on her face.

“Don?” she whispered.

“Yep”, I whispered back.

And so, yet again, I throw my head back, put my arms out wide and thank the Universe for the shifts it’s supporting not just for Don and I but for everyone affected by us. Including my Emma. She needs to see him. He has no idea how important he is to these children. What reminders he gives us all. What physical proof he is that their mother is not out of her mind.

A reminder that differences are beautiful. A reminder that it is our differences that unify us, not the other way around.

Emma needs that reminder now more than ever. And I am so grateful that she will have it by the end of Friday night.

“I wish he could come to school with me, Mommy”, she said. And I hugged tighter than ever.

As I write this, Kate is doing her patented crazed fairy dance around my bed, darting in and out of my bedroom in general, asking me over and over again if we can go outside. I promised her that we would put the towels and blankets on the clothesline later today, a first for this year. Can I get another woo-hoo?! I love my clothesline, I really do. It misses me and I miss it.

This morning when we stepped outside, the girls and Michael all in their Spring jackets and me in the studded denim one I’ve claimed for the season (a little surprised that I’m not too fat to wear it), Kate’s eyes grew like saucers and she exclaimed, “MOMMY! LOOK! IT’S REAL SPRING!”

I had to laugh because it’s true.

The last snowfall that we had on Friday and over the weekend has all pretty much melted. There are still a few spots of snow here and there in other people’s yards, but now those small piles look out of place as opposed to the bald spots on lawns looking strange. It’s finally Spring and I’m pretty confident that Winter is over (finally). We usually have one last Winter episode before Spring settles in and I think that last weekend was just that.

It’s “real spring” and this Canadian girl couldn’t be happier.

Yesterday Rock and I took Michael again to the children’s hospital. This time it was his eyes that were going to be examined. We were warned that the appointment would last roughly two hours. Gre-at. Explain that to a baby!

I’ll spare you all of the details for now and sum it up in the words of the doctor that looked after us.

“He doesn’t need glasses right now. But we’re not out of the woods, yet. We will check him again in a year, at minimum, unless you or your doctor notice a cause for alarm, at which point you should phone us and we’ll see him right away.”

I had another one of my “who knew?” moments yesterday. Apparently it’s more uncommon for preemies to NOT have an issue with their eyes than it is for them to see perfectly. I didn’t know that. I’m getting better at saying those words, you know.

And now I’m keeping in mind that I just told you I wouldn’t bore you with the details and would leave it with the doctor’s words. So, that’s what I’m going to do, even though I’m dying to spill it all out. Nothing too traumatic, don’t worry….it’s just pretty boring to write about or read about. I intend to bore the American Boy later tonight with the details of the visit.

Ha.

Happy Wednesday, Everyone! I’ll be visiting you really soon.

Promise.