"Ahh, fuck it. Who am I shittin'? I'm a pitiful sight and I ain't all that bright, I'm definitely not chiseled from stone. I'm a cheat and a liar, no womman's desire, I'll probably die cold and alone".


Brace yourselves…I have some big news from here in Janet Land. Are you sitting down? Of course you are…you’re at the computer…although I have been known to stand and click in a pinch…Okay…ready? Here’s my news…

I. Left. The. House.

Amazing, no? Ha.

Thing is…I haven’t left the house except to get the mail or to meet the school bus since Sunday. I had some grand plans this week past for leaving in the car, to actually go somewhere, but between the cancelled buses on Monday, Kate coming home early on Tuesday because she was sick, Kate being super, super sick on Wednesday, Michael being sick Thursday and Friday…well, I was just plain exhausted by the end of the day! And since we had snow a go-go on Thursday, the roads have been less than stellar for a couple of days.

All those things added up equals one thing:

Mama ain’t goin’ anywhere.

I’ll admit, I was starting to get a bit cagey.

So, this morning Rock and I debated over who would go where and who would do what and eventually we settled on me taking Emma to Walmart and to the mall this morning while he stayed with a sick Michael and a reluctant Kate. For some reason, Kate doesn’t get a kick out of going places with me the way that Emma does. Funny, that.

So, that’s what Emma and I did, despite my worries about the roads. We hit Walmart first and I’ll tell ya…it was fucking strange to be surrounded by so many people. People, people everywhere people! I’ve been too used to being alone or in the company of folks under the age of seven. That’s not good for a woman’s brain, believe me. It turns your mind into a kind of jelly.

And since I only had Emma, who loves to shop, with me, it was actually really fun. We picked up the boring stuff that we needed and then took our time browsing around. Emma is a really good shopper, she always has been. Before I had Kate, I could never understand why parents made such a fuss about taking the kids out and about. Because Emma could travel anywhere, always sleep in the car and she loved sitting in a cart as a baby while we browsed around. And once she got big enough to walk, she loved shopping that much more. When we lived in Big City, Rock worked crazy long hours and every day, Emma and I would go for a walk…we’d go to the Salvation Army to hunt for deals or we’d go to the grocery store to get what we needed for the day or what we needed for the week. Sometimes we’d hit the drug store or the cheap book store. And if the weather was nice, and we felt like taking a long walk, we’d hit the produce store. Then we’d walk home together, hand in hand, talking to our neighbours with the friendly dog and the cute baby or just taking a tour of the old and gorgeous homes behind our apartment. I have such fond memories of those days with my Em.

But I digress.

She still loves to shop. She’s never a grabby or whiny child in a store, is always able to “just look” without asking for something or begging and, for the most part, without being disappointed if we don’t buy something.

She knows that I’m heading south of the border in a few months time to visit the Zombie. And while she’s a bit disappointed that she can’t come with me (I think my daughter has a crush on my boyfriend…just in case our situation couldn’t get more fucked up and soap opera like!), she is also stoked for me. She remembers our planning and shopping in January when Don first set foot on Canadian soil. And she remembers the fun that we had choosing treats and mini tubes of toothpaste and bottles of shampoo because terrorists have ruined pretty much everything when it comes to traveling.

So, she’s excited to start that planning stage again, even if she won’t be coming along with me. And she wanted to look at the suitcases with me.

We looked at Princess suitcases (you know the ones for kids that have wheels?), Diego suitcases, Bee Movie suitcases, Barbie suitcases, Sponge Bob Square Pants suitcases…and I even considered buying myself a Diego one, because that’s how I roll, but I knew that it would never fit everything and I knew that it wouldn’t leave any room for bringing stuff home (I’m mostly excited about the American crackers and the cereal and the 100 calorie bars…you guys don’t know how good you have it!). I figured it was time to act like a grown up (picture me pouting here) and started looking at the grown up suitcases on wheels.

And I found…drum roll please…a reasonable sized suitcase on wheels originally $49.96 marked down to $8.00. Eight dollars! How fucking crazy is that!? I bought it. I had to. And now I have to go. I have to get the passport. I have to suck it up and dig deep for my stash of bravery and push my anxiety and certainty that the house and the children will crumble and perish without my presence and just GO because now I have a suitcase.

After the thrill of finding the suitcase, we decided to keep chasing the shopper’s high and we went over to the mall to cruise the dollar store, pick out a present for Emma’s friend’s birthday next week and buy something for supper tonight.

I decided that since I had chicken for lunch, it had to be a veggie dinner and since I’m feeling lazy, I decided that veggie burgers would fit the bill. Rock wasn’t too impressed when I came home with the burgers and the fixings, but he’ll get over it. Besides, if I’m the only one who cooks dinner around here, I should be the one to pick, don’t you think?! I went with Greek pasta salad to go with the burgers because even though the ground is still more than covered in snow and we’re expecting more, it’s time for a Spring like dinner.

I listened to the Drop Kick Murphy’s while I cut the veggies and the cheese and I boiled the pasta and made the dressing, thinking I need to listen to Operation Ivy again soon (maybe I can swipe my sister’s Op Ivy CD the next time I’m visiting…oh wait, she reads this…so that plan might not work…ha) grinning like a fool because I’m loved and grinning like a fool because there’s a blue suitcase sitting in my Reiki room.

Happy Saturday, Everyone!