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We interupt your regular programing for MSNBC's coverage of a major political event.
Brian Williams: "An overflowing crowd has gathered here at the South Transit Bowling Lanes to hear the acceptance speech of Honey J. Bugg, now the official nominee of the Who Gives A Shit Party for the office of Grand Imperial Poobah of the United States of Amurica. Tell me, Chris, what are your expectations for this speech? What points will Honey Bugg have to hit on to be effective?"
Chris Mathews: "Well, Brian, I think she...."
Brian Williams: "Hold that thought Chris....something is happening down on the middle lane."
The band strikes up "Change the World" by Eric Clapton and in walks Bugg waving to a wildly cheering crowd of drunken and semi drunken supporters. Placards saying "BUGG/CINDY LOU 2008" "BUGG FOR CHANGE" and the Bugg campaign slogan "YOU BET YER ASS" flutter as the candidate steps to the podium at the center lane of the bowling alley.
"Thank you....thank you.....thank y'all so much" The crowd continues to screem wildly. "thank you...thank you...." The crowd slowly settles down to a dull murmer.
"Thank you all so much. I am so honored to be amongst you good people of MyBloggerstown today....my friends, my neighbors, my fella Who Gives A Shit-ians and mah fella Amuricans. " More wild cheers, hoots, stomps, claps, whistles, flag and placard waving. "I stand before you today to say with humility and pride that I humbly and enthusiactically accept your nominitation for Grand Imperial Poobah of the United States Of Amurica!!"
More uncontrolled cheers, stomps whisltes and hoots and chants of "YOU BET YER ASS" echo from the crowd.
"We started on this journey many months ago on just a keg of beer, a chicken wing and a prayer. But now our message has resounded throughout this great nation. From every statehouse, ranchhouse, apartment house, cat house, dog house and outhouse our dream rings true. It is the dream of the ordinary working schmuck who goes to work everyday at a thankless job because that's what you do if you are a responsible adult. It is the dream of those who see their food, gas, mortage and healthcare expenses go up while the greedy corporate bastids cut their hours and benefits and then declare record profits. It is the dream of those who have lost their jobs to outscourcing and illegal immigration and who are moments ahead of forclosure with no hope in sight. That dream, my friends, is the American dream.It is the dream of still living in a country where personal privacy and Constitutional rights, including the right to keep and bear arms, are respected." More wild shouts and hoots from the crowd and chants of "BUGG, BUGG SHE'S OUR WOMAN" "That dream is being able count on a decent job, get a decent loan on a home, affordable gas and food prices, and health care if your sick. It is being able to send your kids to a good public school and then on to college. It is being able to retire without worry after a life of striving and saving. Yes, mah fella Amuricans, we all know that dream. And how it has become a nightmare at the hands of past administrations. Our beloved country has fallen victim to power hungry greedy elitist bastids who are selling us down the river in the name of power and avarice. Who want to sell out our national soverenty in the name of the New World Order and a Global Economy and the mulitnational corporation. My friends, the time is now to take back the reigns of gub'ment from these self serving pricks and elect real candidates for change. My valiant running mate Cindy Lou, whom you heard from earlier, and I are ordinary working stiffs just like you. And talk about history making....between us we have just about every minority group covered." Cheers, whistles stomps, and someone yelling "I know THAT'S right, Bugg". "Just think about it, we're both women, I am half African-American, we either are or have been married to men. I have gay friends, have worked with Asians and visited Native American casinos religiously." Cheers and whistles and someone shouting "You go, Bugg!!"
"So between us, we can represent all of the people. We can bring back the hope and the dream that is Amurica. With your help and the help of all people who are sick up and fed with all this bullshit, we can restore our country back to rule by the will of the PEOPLE!"
"So now, my friends, we know what we need to do. We need to send Dubya and his crew back down to Crawford to shovel cow shit. We need to send McCain back to that rocker on his porch to yell at neighbor kids to get the hell off his lawn, and we need to send Obama back to being a completely pussy whipped law professor." The crowd explodes with deafening screeches of approval.
"So early, Lord, on that frosty morning in November, you'll all know yer duty...to yer party, to yer country and to yer Bugg. Vote early, vote often, get friends, neighbors, passing aquaintences, and deceased loved ones to vote early and often..... and vote for the real candidates for change.... VOTE FOR BUGG AND CINDY!!!!!"
The crowd goes nuts...chanting BUGG BUGG BUGG and YOU BET YER ASS. Bugg stands back, waving and pointing at various members of the crowd. Red, white and blue confetti and balloons cascade down as Cindy comes out. She and Bugg clasp and raise hands and wave as "100 Years" by Five For Fighting plays. This continues for several minutes as Bugg and Cindy bask in the limelight. As they exit the stage, they stop and talk to three men, a heavyset balding, middleaged gentleman, another middle aged gentleman with prominent grey sidburns and a younger man with a big nose.
Heavyset Genlteman: "Great speech, great fuckin' speech, Bugg. The rest of those pricks can just fuggeddaboutit."
Bugg: "Tanks, T. I appreciate yer interest in good gub'ment".
Brian Williams: "We've seen history being made today."
Chris Mathews: "Bang, zoom, outa the ball park."
We now return you to your regulary scheduled episode of Judge Joe Brown where the judge has just given some pinhead life in prison for being a complete waste of space.
