I guess this goes under the “ya gotta laugh or your gonna cry” file.  Dawgnurse knows what I am talking about.  When you live and work in a pressure cooker your sense of humor can get a bit warped. But stuff like this is part of my day at the Mission.

 

We have an old guy at the Mission by the name of Jewel Batson who I have know a bunch of years. Now today he is getting on a bit and seems the nice old man-but back in the day he was hell on wheels and had a temper to match.

We have been working real hard to get Jewel’s SDI check started so we can get him away from the mission and into some kind of housing.

Like I said he is getting on a bit (78) and his relationship with time and reality is at times a bit shaky.

Yesterday one of my workers, Carl, was standing in my doorway telling me about his day when Jewel went parading down the hallway to his case workers (Carolyn) office and plopped in a chair in front of her door. Neither one of us thought a whole bunch about it and went on talking.

After 10 minutes or so Carl asked him “Jewel-what ya doing?”

Jewel replied “Sitting”

Knowing Jewels temper Carl decided to leave him be a bit and we went back to talking.

Finally Carl couldn’t just leave it alone.

“Jewel why are you sitting there?”

Jewel shot Carl his best just how stupid are you boy look and replied “I am waiting on Mize Carolyn.”

“Jewel its Memorial Day-Mize Carolyn isn’t going to be in till tomorrow.”

Carl then went on his way and I went back to the small mountain of paperwork on my desk.

After a bit I decided to go and grab a smoke. As I left there was Jewel still sitting.

“Hey Jewel-it’s Memorial Day”

“I know that”

“Carolyn won’t be here till tomorrow.”

I was then awarded with the “you bout the dumbest fucking white boy I ever seen” look that Jewel has saved just for me. “I know that.”

I couldn’t help it-I knew better, but I had to ask. “Then why are you sitting there?”

Well Jewel stared at me, I stared at Jewel. Jewel stared at the closed door; Jewel stared at me again, just because he could before he replied “I have no god dam idea why.”

Well both Carl who had come back and I started to crack up. Jewel gathered his pride and started his way out.

As he passed by Carl he commented “you could have tol me?”

“Jewel I did” Carl replied “why did you have something to do?”

Carl was then rewarded with Jewels patented “you bout the dumbest black sumbitch I ever met” look before he replied “Well I might of.”

Now both Carl and I are trying not to burst out laughing. Carl, who is coal black, was turning purple and I was fire truck red.

 But Jewel got in the last word, as he started out the door he paused, looked at both of us with distain and proclaimed “You mutherfuckers ain’t no Christains.

And except to ask Carl for three bucks and me for a cigarette he refused to have anything to do with us for the rest of the day.