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I started smoking at the age of 12--a little over 60 years ago. Like most kids at that age I thought it made me look oloder,
more sophisticated, besides all the older kids smoked as did the actors
and actresses in the movies and plays that I so admired.
It
started with a few cigarettes a day and then to a pack a day. I don't
know when it reached 3 packs a day but I do know that phase lasted, at
least, the past 30 years.
I never tried to
give it up nor did I ever want to. I enjoyed every cigarette I had and
thought all the anti smoking laws being passed as a joke. In 2009 our
apartments and the grounds of Gateway Terrace were suppose to be smoke
free and I started to panic though I knew they couldn't enforce it.
Then
on July 21 I had open heart surgery and had to give up smoking while I
was in the hospital. Much to my surprise I didn't light up as soon as I
was discharged and I have not had a cigarette since July 21!
I
miss it and find myself reaching for one at certain times like when a
movie is over and I get up to leave the theatre or in the morning with
my tea or when I sit in front of the computer, etc. I find that if I
start thinking of something else I forget that I wanted one.
I
know some, if not a lot, of my anxiety attacks are caused by not
smoking and I asked my doctor what would happen if I lit and smoked a
cigarette--he said my heart would blow up. Now I know he didn't mean
that but I really don't want to find out!!!
When I said I didn't want to become addicted to xanax he asked how come I wasn't bothered by being addicted to smoking for over 60 years? I had no answer.
There
has ben a few times today that I really wanted to light/smoke a
cigarette but so far I haven't had one. Don't know how long I will
continue not smoking--maybe forever--but I wouldn't bet on it!
