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here dealing with a subject I know very little about. This blog may not
be politically correct but I have no intentions to put anyone down so I
am asking questions, seeking answers and understanding. All I know about
the subject are films I have seen, blogs I have read and what I have
read in the news.
The only incident I have had with physical
abuse was one evening when a lover slapped me—it was immediately the end
of our relationship.
I am aware that there is child abuse, man
on woman abuse, woman on man abuse, man to man abuse, woman to woman
abuse and any other couplings you can come up with—what I don’t
understand is why someone would stay in an abusive relationship.
Because
there are children??? Doesn’t the abused know the abuser, in all
probability, will abuse the children and, at the least, set them up to
be abusers? Doesn’t the abused person know it will only get worse?
Economics??? Instead of broken arms, legs, possible death, wouldn’t the abused be better off living in poverty??
Negative attention is better than no attention at all??? Physical, mental, emotional abuse is better than nothing??
Low
self-esteem? “But he/she really loves me. It must be something I am
doing wrong.” “I can’t do any better. I am not worthy of any better.” If
he/she loved you would they be abusing you?
I can honestly say
that I can find no reason for an adult to stay in an abusive
relationship when they are the ones being abused.
Okay, here may
be a very politically incorrect question. When a person does get out of
an abusive relationship why do they have to keep on ‘whining’, talking
about and blaming everything they do and that happens to them after the
relationship is over on the abuse? Is it that they didn’t go through
recovery? That they can get sympathy by saying, “Poor little me.”? When
do they put their past behind them and get on with their life?
To
a certain extent I guess I can understand some of the motivation of the
abuser. It gives them a feeling of power/control of another human
being. They feel fear of them will make them loved. They were taught to
abuse others to get what they want/need. Being so imperfect themselves
they want the other person to love them in spite of the imperfections,
to show that they are worthy to be loved. They can only feel emotions
when abusing someone else.
What does an abuser get out of abusing
a child? Abusing someone not as strong physically as they are? What
kind of power can/do they feel?
What I am trying to understand is why a person would allow themselves to be abused and why a person feels they must abuse?
I
really would like to get some insight into this whole topic and would
appreciate any feed back—if you would prefer not to answer in a public
forum like this please feel free to e-mail me at
GreatMartin2003@yahoo.com
(This
is a repeat of a blog I posted in 2007--something happened last week
that made me think of it again and still looking for answers.)
******************************************************************
"Reflect upon
your present blesings
of which everyone has many."
Charles Dickens
(From Maria's cards)