Yesterday was a pretty rotten day and I was so glad when the day was done. I wakened with the hope that today would be better. For the most part, it was. I didn't get my van towed and I didn't spend a dime. I feel emotionally drained. Yesterday, strike that, the last 9 months have finally caught up with me and is kicking my butt. My heart is heavy and I don't know how to lighten it. I screwed up my life so badly. I can only be strong for so long and then I lose it. I, Like Gwen, can put on a good game, I appear strong but I am so lost. If I stop for one minute it's all over. My husband's birthday is coming up and I want to be with him. Instead we are divorcing. The worst part is he is being so nice. Why now, why can't he be an ass and make this easier for me. I miss him and love him. Damn it! It is also the anniversary of his Dad's death in another month. Everything is still so fresh, like it happened yesterday. My heart is so heavy with regret that I went on that stupid cruise and wasn't there for my family. My heart is heavy because I checked out and wasn't there for so long. I am back now but my heart is heavy with grief. I am bored out of my mind with my job. 6 months can not get here soon enough. I do still have more to learn so I am hoping things will pick up but I will only be doing the same thing day after day. Opening envelopes and sorting the claims in the proper places. Mind numbing boredom. The lady I work with did say if I get done they may have me do data entry or other things. I can only hope. I guess I should just be glad I have a job. Work is getting tight and I read somewhere that 2700 jobs were lost in the month of March. It was something like that so I am lucky in that regard. I also have a heavy chest.... I feel like I am getting sick. The stress is nipping on my ankles. Off to bed so it doesn't catch me!