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They Are All Gone
They Are All Gone
I had a dream about my husband last night and wanted to be close to him today. The reality of this divorce is really getting to me. Arbitration is on July 3rd and we are so close to agreeing. I really don't know if I am ready for my marriage to end. It is so difficult. My dream was very vague and I don't remember except I know it was Aaron. Probably stemmed from the fact that the body pillow I sleep with reminds me of my husband. I feel more secure with it there, like Aaron used to do for me and it is slightly fuzzy, just like Aaron's chest hairs. Anyway, I was getting ready for work this morning and went to put on the pearl ring he gave me when we were first going out. I can't find it! I lost it. The symbolism to that just hit. My wedding ring is broken and at my Mom's house for her to take to her jeweler friend, the diamond earrings I had always wanted, (he finally bought for me and I complained that they weren't what I wanted-I'm such a bitch), got lost when my jewelry box tipped over and down the vent it went. I have nothing left! I have now officially lost or broken at least part of every piece of jewelry my husband has given me. Those little things, those precious reminders are all gone and the most precious, my children, are gone too. Damn it! I guess it was just a visual to what is happening to our marriage that sent me to being an emotional wreck. My marriage was broken and now I have lost it! I have to get it together and get to work. I would take a personal day today but my co worker is out and I have to do her job today too. Not a good day to lose it~
posted on June 23, 2008 7:15 AM ()
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