This was a week of a lot of 'firsts' for me. The most important being that my kids were at their Dad's for the first time for a whole week. I'm so glad we didn't do 2 weeks at a time. That would be sooooooooooooo incredibly hard on me. I made it! It hasn't been easy but I have been busy. Monday evening I was able to attend my swim aerobics class. It was great to be back. Everyone missed me and I missed them and the water was so refreshing. I will need to work back up to my cardiovascular though. It really is amazing how quickly I got out of shape. Not that I'm in shape to begin with but I could feel the difference.

Tuesday I had a counseling appointment. I always feel so much better when I am able to go. I wish I could go 2 times a week but I can't afford it and I don't have the time. I have new things to work on and am doing my best everyday so I feel good. I have finally realized my husband really doesn't want to make things work in our marriage so I am moving forward. He had asked me a series of questions which I responded to but I'm guessing I didn't have the answers he was looking for because he continues to talk about the divorce and what we need. I think if he had any second thoughts that he wouldn't be talking about that. I'm sad but there isn't anything I can do but move forward now so here I go.

Wednesday was good. I got to take the kids to dinner. I was so glad to have a couple of hours with them. I am so glad Aaron was generous with his time with them. I didn't want to intrude but I really am glad I got to see them. We went to a place called Ruby Tuesdays which has great food but it was so expensive. 47 dollars for the 3 of us to eat. Ridiculous! After dinner we went to a park and played for a little bit. The kids were happy to see me. I was getting worried though because the night before when I called Evan's tone was not nice at all. He said "what are you calling for" in such a rude tone. I talked to him about it and he said he was just curious. A mini lesson in tone of voice was taught that is for sure! After I pushed them on the tire swing and heard about my daughter's trip camping I took them back to their Dad's. After I dropped them off I went to help a new friend of mine haul a patio umbrella. We had a nice visit and I enjoyed the company. My cousin also called me to tell me she is getting married and asked me to be a brides maid. I was so excited. I have never been a brides maid and it mean a lot to me on so many levels. She is in remission for cancer so her getting married is a tribute to a new life for her. She was so sweet... she wanted to make sure it wasn't going to be too painful for me since I'm getting a divorce. Very thoughtful. I'm just so excited for her it wouldn't matter.

Thursday night was dinner with my former co workers. It was great catching up with everyone. I think all but one of the 12 has a job. Not too bad I guess. One of the girls that I worked with just broke up with her boyfriend of a year so we made plans to go out Friday night. I also got a phone call from my Dad which was odd. He was telling me how much he was laughing at my Mom on Wednesday night. Apparently she was trying to get a hold of me and I didn't answer because I was on the phone with my cousin talking about the wedding. She was in such a panic that she was about to get in her car at 10 30 to drive by my house and check on me. I was spitting mad! I know she is worried about me but COME ON!!!! I'm an adult ! ARGH.

Friday night I went to the Relay for life to walk with my Mom. It was nice to see the people from church and I had a good talk with my mom. She was having phone problems so I suggested she call Aaron since that is his line of business. She said she just couldn't talk to him and started crying. I really hate how much this divorce has hurt her. I guess she told Aaron she wanted to talk to him when we first separated and I guess he hasn't done it or isn't interested in it. She is sad and hurt and feels guilty that she didn't do something or say something earlier in our marriage to help us. Typical Mom... taking on problems that aren't hers. I was also able to talk to her about how much I need her to let me grow up a little bit. I cried, she cried, and we are good. I know she loves me and I love her. The walk was very emotional because of our heart to heart but also because of the reason of the walk. Cancer is near and dear to my heart. I lost my Grandpa to cancer and we lost Aaron's Aunt to pancreatic cancer, jerky Chris is in remission for pancreatic cancer. I have a few friends that are coping with breast cancer and my cousin in remission for Melanoma. It is such a horrible thing for so many people. I bought 2 luminaries. One in memory of Hazel and the other for Chris. My hope for him was to start living his second chance. I know he was a jerk to me but I felt he and Aunt Hazel were the 2 I was thinking of most this year. I miss her very much. She was a wonderful woman, great cook and a loving mother and wife. It is such a shame she is gone. She will be missed by many. After the relay my friend and I went to a local bar in my town and licensed to the drunks sing again. It was nice. Such cheap entertainment. $20 bucks gets me hours of entertainment. I actually won a little money gambling so we decided to go out Saturday night too. My day was productive. I got a lot of laundry done, have kept up on my dishes.

The other first for me was making an effort to reach out to my Dad. My Dad has a wwII Piper cub airplane that he loves. Maizy is his baby and loves to take her flying. I asked if he would take me up on Father's day but he had already gone. Yesterday I called and asked him if he wanted to take me flying today. I wasn't expecting him to call but he did. Too early after being up so late but I asked so I had to go. We got to the air field and couldn't go. The haze was too thick! Bummer. We sat and watched the weather for a while just in case it changed. For the first time in our relationship, we had a nice conversation. We talked without fighting, without shoving our opinions down one another' throats. It was very nice. It was so nice that I decided to capitalize on the moment and asked him to take me to breakfast. We actually spent more than 2 hours together and didn't get in a fight. I was able to, with humor, tell him I didn't like him calling the "asshole" (what he calls d'man.. now I will agree with him). I told him I thought it was out of line since I am an adult. He didn't agree but I at least was able to tell him how I felt. Now I have about an hour or so until my kids come home! I'm so excited. Wow... I guess it is not good that I didn't blog much the last few days. I obviously had a lot to dump out of my brain cuz this is really long!