I have done a lot of crying the last few days. I received a Dear Tanya letter from my ex. It was difficult to read that he has really moved on and no longer has feelings for me. That slim chance, that miracle is now gone. That hope that my kids could have their dream and we could make it work. Poof, gone. It is amazing how seeing something in black and white makes something reality. I have been doing a lot of thinking and know it is just time to move on but it is so hard. I can see so much pain and suffering in my kids eyes. I want so badly to take it away! I'm helpless and I hate it.

Today I cried Happy tears. It was my birthday and I was so touched be the outreach of my friends and family. My phone would not quit ringing and I felt loved. It was just what I needed after reading the night before that my husband didn't have the same feelings for me anymore. My Aunt wrote me a letter with 38 things she loves about me and my check for $38 dollars. Every year she sends me a check for the amount of the age I am. I wish I were 100! I received emails and text messages most of the day and work was fun. They sang me a cute song and presented me with a twinkie and a crown for the day. I accomplished a lot and received kudos for a job well done. I would have rather been swimming with my friends and my children but money is needed to pay the bills. Have I mentioned how much being a grown up sucks! My friend Shyla has been watching my children and for my birthday she took my kid to do a photo shoot. The photos are beautiful and she and my other friend Karen had them framed. I love them so much! They are such great friends!