I am so glad I have a job. The economy is getting worse every moment and I have realized how fortunate I am to have one at all. The job is not the best, I dread monotony and with the way my week started, I was a little concerned. Training someone new is usually a difficult process. I felt terrible she got behind because of training me. On Thursday, we were struggling to get a rhythm. However, by Friday, I found my co-worker and I working together to fix the errors I made and I found that I had acclimated to my surrounding faster than I thought. By Friday I felt like I finally had a big good handle on what I was doing. By Friday, I had made an impression.... I am now known as the towed girl (could be toad girl) so I'm ok with it. By Friday, I realized the generosity of the people I work with. My co-workers are amazing! They passed the hat for me and collected enough money to pay my towing bill and enough extra for some coffee from the center coffee and deli shop. I was so touched and yes, I cried.

As for the husband thing.... I am still heart broken. You really don't know what you've got until it's gone. This will be something that I regret for a life time. I know... regret gets you no where but I really do love my husband and wish things could be different. It is week 2 of things being bad emotionally. The anxiety and hives are back! I know it takes time. I saw my husband on Thursday when I went to pick up my badge. I held it together long enough to get out the door. Then... I lost it! Just thinking of him is bring tears to my eyes again. To make it worse, my son lost it! There is nothing worse than realizing the pain of your children and that you caused it! I just wanted to die. We had just gotten back from the grocery store and I forgot to give Mark the massage man a muscle cream he had loaned me. I called him to tell him I was sorry and that I would give it to him at swimming. My son asked me if he was going to come over. I asked him why he would do that and he said "so we could wrestle." Earlier in the week when he dropped it off he did a little sparring with him and my son enjoyed the attention. I told my son that there was no need for him to come over. He immediately started crying. I had no clue what was going on and he wrapped his little arms around me and said he missed his Daddy. He sobbed and sobbed telling me that he missed wrestling with his Dad and that because of the hard wood floors Daddy didn't wrestle with him anymore. I of course was crying too. I just kept apologizing. The guilt of what I have done and how it has affected so many people is too much to bear from time to time. Some days are indeed better than others. Today is a new day! I slept 9 hours, made a wonderful breakfast for my kids and we watched a movie. The kids are now playing a game together. It is always nice to see them rely on one another in times of sadness.