Back to work tomorrow for first time since handing in my resignation. Been a long, roller-coaster of a week and unfortunately the weekend isn’t ending on as happy of a note as it should. It’s becoming more and more clear that I do indeed exhibit signs of bipolar (manic phase ) , not just the depression. It’s been about 3 or so days that I’ve been manic. I notice the lack of need to sleep. I haven’t slept in one day this week off for that matter! But I did take naps most of the week. This weekend though, no naps and no sleeping in. It was quite annoying actually. I love to cuddle and to nap with George on our couple weekends!! And usually he’s always the one who wants to go out and do things! This weekend it was the opposite. I’ve driven with energy and he’s tired and taking cat naps both days. He did help me do the things I kept feeling driven to do, but my energy was beyond what I would expect anyone to want to be able to keep up with (especially on a weekend).

He took the day off Friday but I worked him ragged! We decided to switch rooms with Rissa! Since we moved in , 2 kids had the master suite and I…and then we…have been squished into another smaller, mobile home bedroom. Well Riss was kinda ticked off and never lifted a finger. We moved everything from one room to the other, cleaned from top to bottom, switched over all the bathroom stuff. This took all day! Plus we took the dogs on a 40 min. walk.

Saturday we were both tired and it was a rainy, cold day. We got right up and went to some garage sales! It was really a lot of fun! We got some great treasures for the house (especially our new bedroom suite that we’re already enjoying so much!). Then we picked Riss up from a sleep over, had lunch, watched some t.v. and relaxed…and then I got antsy in my pantsy! Lol! I took the dogs and G (I wasn’t sure he’d want to) out for a walk in the rain. We walked for at least 30 minutes in the rain. Not a downpour…but rain! This is very unlike me. I’ve been known for and made jokes about “not going out if it rains or snows”. I was still very restless when we came up with the brilliant idea…at about 9 p.m. to go out for an ice cream sundae. That was …quite frankly…awesome!! Something about a Friendly’s sundae with pb sauce and hot fudge that makes everything better…for at least a half hour.

Oh yea! Another manic trait! And what’s taking me so long to write this entry….I’m shopping online and opening up new credit card accounts like mad! We got a new outdoor table set and umbrella and some beach chairs and umbrella from Fingerhut Friday and we put that together today!

Today (Sunday), I got up before G (at 9 a.m.) again super motivated and out of my skin like “I have to move.” So I got up before him, visited on the phone with my sister and Kevin, got coffee, drove by some garage sales and came back to the house. I talked to an old student who had just got out of the hospital with a suicide attempt. G put the patio set together and I was there for moral support I guess. Lol. I did dishes, laundry and sat out with a book at our new table for a bit with the dogs. It was 2:20, I was hungry as I hadn’t eaten, so I grabbed a slice of cold pizza we had cooked in the oven Friday night. I gave Pauly a bath and Quinton was spared for now due to cold water from the dishwasher and washing machine running.

George took a nap. I painted the walls (around him while he slept…this is what manic parts of bipolar are about). I cleaned the rabbit cage. I fed and walked the dogs for 30 minutes. Then I was grumpy. Out of my skin with angst and discomfort that can’t be consoled. Every one of my senses is hyper sensitive. Noises hurt my ears and make me twitch and react (possibly with a yell). Even the well meaning petting of my arm actually hurt. I can’t believe it myself. A gentle rub, by the soft fingers of the man who melts me with his touch…hurt on my forearm. Our minds play funny tricks on our physical being. It amazes me that depression and mental disorders can permeate into physical aches and ailments. I digress…

I had to get gas and I decided to stop by and see if my sister was home. I had bought her some cool, cherry placemats and a business card holder (she’d been wanting) and was excited to give them to her. She was excited and I ended up sharing a burger and salad with her.

I came home feeling a little better, for a little bit. I visited with Andy and Rissa, shared some smiles with them. It just dawned upon me that I am starting to accept that Kevin isn’t here. I didn’t even get sad about it tonight…(don’t know how I feel about that…guilty..and sad again). Then I started feeling driven again. I took a shower, hung pictures on the walls of our new bedroom/ bathroom suite :0), folded laundry, cut my hair, straightened my hair…and came to bed…kinda grouchy (and I hate when I’m being like this and it feels like I can’t stop myself). G is the LAST person on Earth that deserves any of my mean-ness and nastiness (when I’m being that self-centered, full of hate person I can be sometimes). I’m not a multiple but sometimes I feel like I am…in the sense that there are a lot of different “me’s” or “personalities of me”…depending on my mood. And yea, okay…that’s normal, right? But my moods change…dramatically….and fast…without warning or logical reason. More and more I remind myself of Tera from the new Showtime series “United States of Tera”…except I’m not a multiple and that’s the basis of the series! But other than that …Ha! Just the same! Lol I’m making no sense!

(Think it’s because it’s almost 1 a.m. on a work night and I have to get up in a few hours….and I have no copies or concrete plans made…just a rough sketch…and it’s the first day of the last 2 months I’ll ever teach???) Maybe…