Take two because I started this post an hour or so ago and got quite far (maybe 5 paragraphs and two graphics) and then it disappeared!

Nasty blog demons!


I'll start again by saying that today didn't exactly go the way I would have hoped it would. Although I surprisingly fell asleep rather easily, when I woke up at 12:30 I wasn't able to get back to sleep until after 4 when I took 1/2 of an anxiety pill. I know the big reason I was anxious and couldn't sleep was because no matter how hard I hugged G or how close I cuddled with him physically, I couldn't get that feeling of emotional closeness I craved and am used to.

Needless to say, I was exhausted (and grumpy) when it was time to get up. The only thing that helped me push through was knowing that I only had to teach the morning because I had the p.m. off for Kev's conference. On a side note, it's getting so I like the middle school better than the high school which is the total opposite of how I felt last year. I feel like I have friends at the middle school, colleagues to talk to. But on the other hand, I like the principals at the high school much better.

I digress. When I got out of school, I sneaked in a short nap in before Kev got home. After he had his lunch, we went to the dollar store and bough some play dough and other crafts to do. It's just that time of year! The kids played with the play dough tonight. They had a lot of fun with it, especially G's son. G played with it too and created some cute characters :)

I have been finding that I just "feel like crying" a lot lately and I can't really pinpoint why. I honestly wish I could just cry and get it all out. I've really tried to "let" myself cry- spill the emotion- but I couldn't. There's just the lump in my throat and the tightness in my forehead with the aching of my heart...

When I talked to G from work today, he was still down from our fight yesterday. He says he was mostly reprimanding himself and fearing that he was "screwing things up". When he got home, I thought he was still real down but he said he was just tired. I guess it was really the truth because he greeted me with a hug, kiss and a white rose. Not just because of our argument yesterday, but because today is our 6 months. (Feels more like six years in a good way) At dinner, he was still quiet and pulled a box out of his pocket. In it was a new charm for my bracelet he got me for my birthday last month. Now I have a penguin to join my turtle, heart and the words I love you. Also in the box was the smoothest, most perfect stone (forgive me for forgetting the name sweetie). There is a story that goes along with this. Last week we were talking about penguins (yes, we have some weird but interesting conversations) and he was telling me of their mating rituals. I guess the male penguin searches for the perfect stone and presents it to the penguin he wants to be his life partner. So he was giving me "his " this stone symbolizing again his promise to me. He also brought me home two similar penguin figurines from the mall Saturday when he brought the kids out for something to do.

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So I guess I can officially add penguins to the things I collect :)

Kev's conference was what I feared and what I hoped wouldn't happen. Although his special ed teacher wasn't able to make our meeting, I was told that the testing had all come out "normal". Except even the teacher doesn't understand how he could fit withing normal limits when she looks at the work he produces. We haven't given up. She has another option of appealing his case to the board of special education. Her and I also discussed having him tested for ADD (even if only to rule another thing out). She's going to initiate a test by the school psychologist and I will fill out a similar test then bring it to the pediatrician. We also discussed looking into some dietary changes. I really do like his teacher. Marissa had her too. I know she genuinely cares. Kev starts tutoring tomorrow. Tonight I made up an incentive chart for him and for tonight at least, it motivated him. I don't know the answer and it saddens as well as frustrates the heck out of me, but I can't give up. I have to keep trying.

A had another excuse why he didn't have my support today (supposed to have it Friday). Yet he took his weekend trip and showed up to the conference in a new outfit (quite the norm for him since we split up). He went from workboots, stained jeans and ripped t's that he got free from work to name brand, teeny bop clothes and skater sneakers or sometimes even casual, dress shoes. This is soooo NOT the A I've known since 1987. It's funny that appearance wise, he's changed so much and I haven't. Yet on the inside, I've changed a lot (hopefully) and he really hasn't.

****I soooo need some good lovin tonight*****


And the final jumbled thought for the night....

Inspired by my best Canadian girl Janetk, I'd love to have one or more Q&A posts!

So ask away people! There's got to be some lingering question...

I hope!

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