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I've lived too long for the happiness of others (namely my soon to be ex)and I refuse to do it any longer.
This is about G moving in of course. I know I can't expect him to be happy, but I'm just disappointed because things had been so smooth between us the past week or so. I had already mentioned to him that this was our plan and intention, but today when I told him that it was really happening, he was really angry. He sort of tried to tell me it was illegal (then realized that sounded stupid). He was desperate in a forbidding me kind of way. I questioned him on his anger, because he knows it's over and keeps accepting it over and again (with relapses). He didn't want to talk about it and wouldn't explain his anger. He just said that it wasn't right and we were still married.
He also said that the girl he introduced to the kids yesterday was "just a friend".
I just don't understand why he keeps making up excuses. First Miss KY was only a friend even though he met her the week after we separated, brought home condoms (that were a joke from his boss according to him), talked to her for 6 plus hours a day on the phone each day (according to the phone bill we were sharing at the time), and he flew all the way back to KY to visit her a few weeks ago.
And why is he still hanging on when there is nothing to hang on to and I've made that very clear?
(It's a control thing- this much I know) He's always been very controlling. I just didn't (want to) see it for the longest time.
So he let me go to get our son ready for school but called me back after he dropped him off. This time he wanted to know if I was planning to "stack kids on top of kids". This sarcasm pissed me off and he didn't "like my tone". I told him we were building two new rooms and each kid would have their own room and asked "his majesty" if this would be acceptable for him.
Not everyone is going to like me. I can't take other people's words and reactions to heart.
Hopefully he'll just stew about it for a bit and then realize that there is nothing he can do about it and withdraw once again.
Oh, I wanted to add that I told him I would never do it if the kids weren't comfortable with it. He told me the kids are too young to know what they want or what will hurt them later on. I think they know they've been unhappy and they know mom has been unhappy. Now they see me happy and they are very happy. They're young but not blind and I would never do anything to hurt my kids. G and I are totally committed to each other and the kids. This is not a pass in the night thing and I'm not going to be making a habit of "moving men" in and out of my home and the lives of my children.
glitter-graphics.com
First, he's a man...many have a lot of difficulty accepting that they have lost something...yes, it's a control thing...it has to sink in and it will and then won't, will and then won't...he has to live with himself and the knowledge that he is being rejected, that somebody is better for you and the kids than he is, that he can't make the decisions.
Second...some told me I was moving too fast when I met Edie...give it time, be sure, don't rush into something just because you want it. But, gee, let's cut out some of the crap, too! I'm not a school girl who just wants to have Saturday night dates and get little trinkets and have things to add in my diary...I'm not in my twenties and anxious to be a bride like so many of my friends because I want to be married and have a house and kids and dogs and a white picket fence...and, heck, I've been married before and been through good and bad with that, so I already know what I'm looking for and what I want! I don't want to be alone in my life, but I'm not going to get to know somebody first. I want to date and have some fun and a little romance during that "get to know each other" time, but I'm also in my forties and I don't want drag my heels because I don't want to lose time. And, once I knew I liked Edie and she liked me, once I knew we got along fine but we would bicker about certain things (and those things didn't matter), once I knew I was feeling happy and better about myself and she was, too....then we BOTH knew what we WANTED and how it was all going to end up anyway, so let's just DO IT NOW! I haven't regretted my decision once! (And, do you know what? Even if it didn't work out and it ended, at least we had the time together that we did...happy, loving days that were shared...there's nothing wrong with that, either, if one knows enough to let go before there's hurt and anger.)