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Not the brightest light on the porch; not the sharpest crayon in the box;
I'm just not right lately!
Let me start with now and work my way backwards! I thought I'd be at my therapy session right now, but just as I'm rushing around...I happened to re-read my little piece of paper and see that it said Friday the 27th!~ How I mistook this for Monday the 23rd I'll never know!
I do however have to go back to school at about 6:30 for the Spanish National Honor Society induction (that I thought was a different night this week)!
And I'm still in the same bad mood I was in last night! (Therapy would have been especially useful)
Did I mention I'm exhausted. Bad moods and depression often result in insomnia and this is what I had last night. I didn't go to sleep until sometime after 12:30 a.m. And then instead of sleeping until my normal 6:45 (squeezing every last minute out of my morning sleep), I woke up when G got up about an hour before that.
I got up because I was awake and also because I was upset, because of our argument last night was still carrying on. Usually everything gets resolved or put aside at bed time and we sleep completely enveloped in eachother's protective arms. Last night there was no hugging. He feel asleep without saying a word to me last night and I never felt him reach over for me. When he woke up, he didn't turn and cuddle up to me for a few minutes before getting out of bed. I knew it wasn't going to be a good day. I thought about calling into work. I had a doctor's appointment anyway and did need to take a trip to another clinic for a prescription. I was reasoning my way into calling in. I actually started to make the phone call, entering my codes...and then I hung up and decided I needed to (and would) suck it up and put my big girl panties on! I got up to get coffee and he didn't talk to me (I didn't talk to him either). Then I browsed my email until it was really time to get up. He did come to hug me before leaving for work and told me he loved me, but it seemed so "insincere". I was too hurt to accept it and even had trouble telling him I loved him back (even though I very much do). All I could hear in my head at this point was that words are cheap.
So I get out to my car and he has written an apology note. Now this is all well and good and I appreciate the time he took to write it, but I can't see not talking all morning when we're in the same house so he can write me a note and leave it in my car. I would have rather known what was actually making him quiet before I left for work.
At work today, the strangest thing happened...a couple actually...
The first, a substitute came in for me even though I thought I had hung up the phone before confirming an absence this morning. And then even stranger that I mentioned it to him and was going to leave even though I had already been in school the first 2 hours doing my prep periods in the library (because it was my mistake and he deserved to get paid). But he said he actually had a lot of stuff to do! So he left and I stayed and then I had to clear it up with the sub registry and the school office.
Then it's brought to my attention that the local paper had an article with a statement from our Superintendent. Cutting 1 million from next year's budget. Three subjects are mentioned and one of them is Spanish. That's me. I'm low woman on the totem pole. And G's job isn't secure either. They've already cut hours and we don't know what more will happen in the near future.
So I'm totally not excited about going back to school tonight. There's nothing in it for me, especially if I won't be staying on next year. Come to think of it, all my left over sick days will go to waste to...