glitter-graphics.comYesterday morning I woke up several times after having nightmare. Like most dreams I don't remember details, only bits and peaces. I should probably be thankful for this since what I did remember left me feeling so shaken and out of control. I was so violent in these dreams and when I think of what provoked me it was something so insignificant (I seem to remember something about A's friend making huge signs at one of my kids' birthday parties). Now obviously it seems like there is jealousy beneath the surface although when I'm awake I'm happy for him and certainly have no reason to be jealous (as I am happily in love for the first time in my life). I think what I'm jealous of is the fact that he's changed and I'm thinking subconsciously "Why didn't he love me enough to be that man when we were together?" But the honest truth is that it most likely wouldn't have made a bit of difference if he was. We're just different people, not one good and one bad, just people who don't click together as lovers and true life partners.

G was sleeping well when I finally gave up on a peaceful Sunday morning of sleeping late. I didn't want to wake him, but he senses when I get out of bed and he worries about me when I get up (I love him xo). So I told him that I was going to make some coffee and he should stay and sleep. Like a good best friend though, he didn't let it go there and asked me about what was wrong. I told him it was simply a bad dream and that I was going to go visit my Sister while he slept in a bit and I would be back soon. He assured me he didn't mind me doing that but that he wanted to be there for me and didn't care if he slept. I don't know where the feelings even came from, but I felt weak and scared. The tears flowed and I tried to push them back and sit up like I didn't need to be hugged and held. He knew I did though and he did just that as he rubbed my head and comforted me with his words and his presence.

Eventually I did go over to my sister's while he had some coffee I made and played on the internet for a while. When I got home, I felt better but still apparently had a few tears I needed to get out of the way before we could re-start our day on a better note.

I painted my nails, showered and dressed in a skirt (something I haven't done since school ended). He loves to wear loud button down shirts and yesterday was the ninja shirt day (he's so cute). We planned to go up to the lake and as soon as we got in the car, the rain started. G was disappointed but we decided nothing would get us down. We went to lunch and by the time we were done eating, the sun was out...so off to Lake George we went.

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As soon as I roll into the village, I immediately feel like I'm on vacation. Even working at the school in the town for three years doesn't make it lose its appeal (The quaint streets, beautiful water filled with boats and para sails, the shops filled with your average souvenir type goods but also unique knick knacks never seen anywhere else). We parked the car, put our quarters in the meter and walked hand in hand through the village. I've never met anyone (man or woman) who loves to look through all the little shops as much as I do and I certainly never met anyone who was intrigued by the same little things I am. We seemed to be both constantly saying "Hon, Look!" (lol)

After a couple hours of browsing the shops and enjoying the sunshine, we headed back to the car. We stopped to the store and picked up dinner, beer and a new comforter set for his daughter's bed that we had just set up in our house. While driving home, it rained some more and we got to see the most beautiful rainbow.

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After eating dinner and talking about what a good day we'd had, we went over to my sis and bil's house for a bit. We drank some beers, chatted and then watched BB 10 together.

This all still left time for lots of love and snuggling before bed. If I could make this moment stand still just to be sure I wouldn't lose it, I would.

Since I can't, I'll love with all I have to give
And live every day more enlightened
By what I learned yesterday.

I'll forgive myself when I relapse to old ways,
Because I have been so graciously forgiven.
I'll praise and thank God
For all the blessings I'm given.

To both of the G's who've shown me unconditional love (Big G- God and little g- george)

I love you and thank you for loving me and believing in me when I didn't even believe in myself.