here I am...feelings up and down...going through the motions...bla bla bla


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Yesterday G and I talked about Christmas trees and he told me of his "dream Christmas tree" (white tree, blue lights, silver decorations, angels)He was surprised when I was excited about the idea because I guess nobody else has ever been willing to give it a try. I thought it would be the perfect way to start fresh...a new family, a new tree...something we've never had before. He went out and got it with the trimmings yesterday. It looks great actually. The blue lights make the whole tree reflect a light blue color. Kevin really likes it! He's not one to over-compliment things but he has talked about it over and over (how much he loves it).

Before I forget, I will also get Kev's script filled tomorrow and he will begin his 1 month trial on meds for ADD. He Dad has agreed to it when I asked him today if he looked into the medicine he wanted to research. I'm praying for the best.

Today was an okay day for the first day back after vacation. Tomorrow will probably be a harder day. For me, the days usually get harder as the week goes on and the students get more restless.

It was also a busy day. I had lots of errands to do...which brings me to a realization.

It's been 10 months since A and I have been apart and this is the first time I've actually missed him (well not him exactly, but the one thing I've found that I had counted on him to do for me).

It was time for my car inspection and the thought of finding a place, making the call and then dropping off my car felt overwhelming. I don't know how to explain exactly what the tears were for that kept forming.

I made myself a list of what needed to be done and I just did it! I made the call at 7:30 a.m. and got an appointment for tomorrow. I made my next call to arrange to borrow my sister's car tomorrow so I could drop mine off tonight.

At 10:15 I left to teach at the high school, but first I stopped to A's work to get my much needed support check. Then I rushed to pick up one of my prescriptions before finally heading to the high school.

After school I had to go to the bank, another pharmacy, the dollar store...

I vacuumed and cleaned out the inside of my car (got it smelling all fresh) and finally came home to the kids.

Then when G got home, we dropped off my car, went to the grocery store, ate dinner and picked up my sister's car.

I feel really blah...

Kevin talked a lot tonight about his dad's "friend" W. I guess she gave him snow pants, gloves and other clothes that used to be her sons and he likes them. From the little I hear, I'm pretty sure she's a nice girl and someone I'd approve of my kids being around. But still, it annoys me a little. I guess it's natural but part of me thinks I shouldn't need to go through this emotional step since I'm already happily with someone.