Writing helps me to ease the pain. I got the call last evening. Mom was not doing well, it was time to go to her. My family and I gathered at her bedside and sat vigil. She was in pain and I wanted to release it from her. We stayed late into the night but went home to try and catch a few hours rest. I woke at 6:30 and just lied there for a few minutes. I got up and my phone rang. Mom had left us and was now free of pain, the alzheimers that had taken her mind from us lost it's grip on her.
I can picture her in a garden of roses, lovingly gazing at each flower. I picture my dad and her sister with her, a hand on her shoulder. It's a beautiful picture.
So I say to you dear mother, auf wiedersehen and until we meet again. I will honor you by being the best mom and grandmom I can be. I will grow flowers in your honor and I know you will help me to culivate this garden of love.
I will remember drinking german beer with you and each time I have one, I will raise my glass to you. I will eat pumpernickel bread with gobs of butter. I will sing Frosty the snowman offkey and not worry if I am being recorded. I will dance in the summer rain and feel your presence always around me. I will cherish my love of coffee even though I spoil it with cream and sugar. I will look at the stars and wonder if one of them is a satellite. I will listen to Willie Nelson sing blue eyes crying in the rain, and know that you are no longer crying.
I will get through these difficult days and not withdraw from the world. I must honor you now, my hero, my best friend. I will lean on people who love me, to help me through this.