I might continue blogging, only because it does help me. It helps me to write down how I feel, acknowledge my feelings and allow myself to feel that way. Today is a bad day. I took care of the house though so it won't be sold on thursday.
this constant struggle to hold on to the house, figure out how to buy groceries, worry about my family, its taking its toll. Yesterday was such a good day, I got so many things done, cooked a great dinner, enjoyed family time. Every night I am waking up around 4 in the morning. My mind just won't shut off. I lay there, listening to the silence, the deceptiveness of peace. My mind whirls with thoughts, plans, numbers. I can't even come out to the computer to wile away the hours before dawn. The water bed sprung a leak so hubby is sleeping on the couch and I am sleeping in Kota's room. but thats how my life is right now. disjointed confused nothing in its place. I will get through this, I always do. I need to allow myself to feel this way. I need to find a place to hide just for the day. I will retreat back to bed and pray no bad dreams come.