Twas the morning after thanksgiving,
and all through the place
Everyone was snoring
After stuffing their face

The dishes were strewn,
round the kitchen and den
I knew that the clean up
Hadn't a foreseeable end

The dog was passed out snug as a bug
while I scrubbed muddy paw prints out of my rug
Me in my warm clothes, and Dom still in bed
I said forget all this clean up
I'm shopping instead.
I grabbed all my sale ads from yesterdays news
Hopped into my mustang and cranked up some tunes
Zipped down the road to my first destination
I knew there would be folks there deep meditation
thinking about all the dollars they would save
and how they'd step on you if you got in the way.


I arrived at the store not a moment to spare
Steam from the coffee cups drift through the air
Masses of people stood in front of that door
talking and laughing outside the store
So up to the front door the manager came
Shouting and calling employees by name
Hey Charlotte, hey Nancy, hey Derek and John
bring Tamara, and Bradley and Jesse and Tom
Sale papers litter the lot like confetti
I'm raring to go, I'm set I'm ready
I spied a large fellow dressed all in red
Could it be Santa? Naw I'm out of my head

Soon I heard like a rustle of leaves
And an unmistakable sound, It was the door key
The manager came out with dire words and a warning
No pushing no punching no biting or sporking
This isn't like last year we don't want any trouble
If you cause a fight, you're gone on the double
In saying these statements. He swung the door wide
in a mad stampede, the masses poured inside
I snatched a red cart and went towards the toys
parents get psycho shopping for girls and boys
I knew in seconds the rules we for naught
As a bloody battle for Hannah Montana was fought
I grabbed what I could guarding my prizes
as I dashed through the women of monstrous sizes
Cheap perfume and spandex assaulted my senses
Dear god these ladies use their scent as defenses
I couldn't believe it but I had no time to ponder
I had to stay focused no time to wander
I loaded my cart full to the brim
wrested my booty though the holiday din
Finally reached the check out blessed with no line
the total...well that's not your business but mine
I loaded the car and I thought to myself
next year, then stopped in spite of myself.

I'm done, not again this year is it
I'll pay the extra after this, I'm Too Old For This Shit

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone