Crest's nighttime toothpaste that tastes like Girl Scout Cookies. Oh, and kid's bubble gum flavored toothpaste. I brush my mouth to make it feel fresh and clean, not like it is coated with enamel-eroding sugar.
Perspiration-soaked folks whose pores spew like sprinklers at the gym that refuse to wipe off the equipment after drenching it during their reps. If I wanted to Slip 'n Slide I would get a plastic sheet, baby oil and a hottie, and throw them on my bed.
City bus drivers that have no regard for any other traffic in the universe and pull away from the curb without a blinker, care, or looking to see what is pummeling toward them. I will find no restitution until I drive a bus through each and every one of their homes.
Lovers that want to cuddle after sex. I was just on, in, and under you the last four hours. Four fcuking hours! Don't you get it, I love you! Let me roll over and sleep in peace.
Folks that feed their pets people food. If you are going to subject your animals to a human diet, you are required to eat kibbles and bird seed!
Drug company commercials. The best I have seen: one that "prevents" cervical cancer. Besides the horrendous list of side effects, buried within the disclaimer they state, "This will not prevent or cure cervical cancer." Hey, boss! This new synthetic drug does absolutely nothing except give people explosive diarrhea, migraines, and causes insidious and painful deaths after a single dose. Which disease should we randomly market it toward?
A couple inches of snow is now considered a "major storm" that shuts down schools. Not to sound like an old geezer but when I was a kid we were bundled up and sent to school in two and three feet of snow, b!tching how lucky the bussed kids were that they got to stay home.
And as long as we are on schools, what is up with having so many teacher conferences? Every other week my son only has a half day of school on Wednesdays because the teachers meet among themselves those afternoons.
Friends that forward spam in lieu of taking the time to write an email. Did those same people forward all their junk snail mail to their friends in the past? "Oh, a coupon for chimney cleaning. I bet Betty would LOVE it if I sent her this!"
Reading the obituaries first. Not only is this a true sign that you have entered geezerhood, it is fucking morbid.
Friends that answer a call with their sexy "phone voice" and when they realize who you are pop into their everyday conversational tone. Put that sultry b!tch with the bourbon-wrecked voice back on the phone!
People that are interested in getting to know you to see if there is potential for a relationship, and yet when asked basic questions (such as what do you do for a living) will answer with, "I don't know you well enough to share that." WTF!?! Maybe after we are married, have ten children, a mortgage, and a hundred-thousand in credit card debts you can share with me your ability to pay for it all, you stupid ass! C ya!
There are so many things that are just plain wrong! What are some of your favorites