Nic G

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Nic G
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Welcome To The Dollhouse

Life & Events > There Are So Many Things That Are Just Wrong
 

There Are So Many Things That Are Just Wrong

Crest's nighttime toothpaste that tastes like Girl Scout Cookies. Oh, and kid's bubble gum flavored toothpaste. I brush my mouth to make it feel fresh and clean, not like it is coated with enamel-eroding sugar.

Perspiration-soaked folks whose pores spew like sprinklers at the gym that refuse to wipe off the equipment after drenching it during their reps. If I wanted to Slip 'n Slide I would get a plastic sheet, baby oil and a hottie, and throw them on my bed.


City bus drivers that have no regard for any other traffic in the universe and pull away from the curb without a blinker, care, or looking to see what is pummeling toward them. I will find no restitution until I drive a bus through each and every one of their homes.

Lovers that want to cuddle after sex. I was just on, in, and under you the last four hours. Four fcuking hours! Don't you get it, I love you! Let me roll over and sleep in peace.

Folks that feed their pets people food. If you are going to subject your animals to a human diet, you are required to eat kibbles and bird seed!

Drug company commercials. The best I have seen: one that "prevents" cervical cancer. Besides the horrendous list of side effects, buried within the disclaimer they state, "This will not prevent or cure cervical cancer." Hey, boss! This new synthetic drug does absolutely nothing except give people explosive diarrhea, migraines, and causes insidious and painful deaths after a single dose. Which disease should we randomly market it toward?

A couple inches of snow is now considered a "major storm" that shuts down schools. Not to sound like an old geezer but when I was a kid we were bundled up and sent to school in two and three feet of snow, b!tching how lucky the bussed kids were that they got to stay home.

And as long as we are on schools, what is up with having so many teacher conferences? Every other week my son only has a half day of school on Wednesdays because the teachers meet among themselves those afternoons.

Friends that forward spam in lieu of taking the time to write an email. Did those same people forward all their junk snail mail to their friends in the past? "Oh, a coupon for chimney cleaning. I bet Betty would LOVE it if I sent her this!"

Reading the obituaries first. Not only is this a true sign that you have entered geezerhood, it is fucking morbid.

Friends that answer a call with their sexy "phone voice" and when they realize who you are pop into their everyday conversational tone. Put that sultry b!tch with the bourbon-wrecked voice back on the phone!

People that are interested in getting to know you to see if there is potential for a relationship, and yet when asked basic questions (such as what do you do for a living) will answer with, "I don't know you well enough to share that." WTF!?! Maybe after we are married, have ten children, a mortgage, and a hundred-thousand in credit card debts you can share with me your ability to pay for it all, you stupid ass! C ya!


There are so many things that are just plain wrong! What are some of your favorites

posted on Dec 30, 2008 11:59 AM ()

Comments:

You're hilarious. I was nodding like a boggle head to most of these - especially the flavoured toothpaste and the forwarded emails. Oh and people who feed their pets people food. My husband's grandmother used to give her dogs those chocolate wagon wheels... now she only gives them cottage cheese.
comment by mellowdee on Jan 5, 2009 7:44 PM ()
Gee willikers, there are a lot of angry bloggers out there! Not me, of course. I love seeing ED commercials shown 8 bazillion times. And don't forget "drinkability", and Wendy's "waaaay better than fast food" ads. Relax, deep breath, go to the beach.
comment by solitaire on Jan 3, 2009 6:49 AM ()
I am sitting at work right now in the middle of a snow storm. I just had to shut the damned radio off because the "traffic reporter(???!!!)" is making it sound like Horsemen of the Apocalypse just came riding in Connecticut. IT'S 3 to 6 inches of snow, for Christ's sake! If you can't handle it, move to Ecuador!
comment by hayduke on Dec 31, 2008 9:30 AM ()
...and 'four hours..."??? Can I send you my phone number?
comment by jondude on Dec 31, 2008 8:40 AM ()
TFF duckyYou're such a character...with a great pen
comment by strider333 on Dec 31, 2008 12:42 AM ()
My cats only want "people food" such as caviar, truffles and foie gras. To hell with that.
comment by jondude on Dec 30, 2008 7:56 PM ()
"Lovers that want to cuddle after sex. I was just on, in, and under you the last four hours. Four fcuking hours! Don't you get it, I love you! Let me roll over and sleep in peace."
Looks like you won't be getting any for awhile!
comment by jjoohhnn on Dec 30, 2008 4:31 PM ()
You those spam ads we see on the computer for bigger and better penises? Well, I saw one on TV a few nights ago. Guess I should stop watching Showcase.
comment by nittineedles on Dec 30, 2008 1:46 PM ()
Oh you have joined my "Things that piss you off" club! You are way too young to be so wise (and yet so cynical). Crank up the rocker on one thing with you though.... pet food! North Americans are so brainwashed by bullshit that they feed their animals processed prepackaged food, which is probably the most unhealthy diet you could give a dog or cat. Pet food makers use diseased animals (including dogs and cats from kill shelters) in the making of pet food - how disgusting is that? Simple rule for feeding your pets - if you wouldn't eat it, why should they?? Some argue that the best diet for pets is a raw food diet, which if they were living in the wild is what they would eat. Let's face it, my chihuahua is about 25,000 years or more removed from the wild, if indeed it's gene pool even goes that deep.

And as for the Viagra ads, my favourite line is "if you get an erection that lasts more than 4 hours, call your physician) Like hell - call me! It would be a dream come true.
comment by lizbeth on Dec 30, 2008 1:23 PM ()
You are right on with the idiotic medical commercials. All the side effects are ten times worse than the disease....if you feel suicidal call your doctor right away. DUH! If I see a Viagara or Cialis commercial one more time, I'll scream. Why the hell don't they come up with something for older women? Because most of the doctors are men, that's why. They dismiss women as going through the change. It irritates the hell out of me.
comment by gapeach on Dec 30, 2008 12:43 PM ()
LOL. Toothpaste...I so agree with you. Lovers one...HEE HEE I agree. Drug Company commercials...LOL that is so fricken true. Why take that crap? Snow....I agree when I grew up in Montana it was 30 below but 50 below with the wind chill factor and I still walked to school.
comment by panthurdreams on Dec 30, 2008 12:40 PM ()

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