I'm the mom of only one, the infamous handful known as Dom, so I thought that it would be a good way to cap off a week. Talk about things that mommies of multiples won't understand.

Ooops. Fucking glitch in your logic there, Nic. See, for those of you who are as bad at math as I am (if this can even be considered that), those women out there who have several kids at one point also had - bum bum bum - only one kid as well.

So what does an Awesome person do in a situation like this? She makes random observations about what it's like to have one Midget without using the phrase "Mommies of Multiples will never understand..." Because after reading all of the entries from the writers this week, I've learned that there really isn't a whole hell of a lot that these brave women DON'T know.

Here's what I've come up with...


* With only one kid, if you're in a "Mommying" mood and that kid isn't interested in your attention, you end up relegated to loving on the cat.

* With only one kid, if they turn out great you look like the world's most impressive parent. If they turn out badly, you don't get the opportunity to turn to another child and say, "Well, his/her brother/sister is normal!!"

* With only one kid, unless you're lucky enough to have siblings who have small children for them to learn from, potty training becomes show and tell with your own bodily functions. And you thought having the doctor's face close to your naughty bits was awkward enough once a year. Welcome to your Mini Me's up close scrutiny! ("The pee comes from there?!?!" *finger pointing*)-this would be the ex doing that I was spared this

* With only one kid, if your car becomes a complete disaster area, people are going to know that half of the mess belongs to your lazy ass as well.

* With only one kid, there's no excuse for calling them the wrong name or losing track of them when you are out shopping at Target.

* With only one kid, it's a whole hell of a lot harder to blame your fat ass on eating their leftovers.

* With only one kid, you don't have to spend as much money on clothes and shoes but you end up spending just as much and having a kid whose wardrobe makes you look like you're a homeless person by comparison.

* With only one kid, you get to enjoy all of the accusations of being "one of those" by all of the judgmental childless people who think that your parenting style is to be more of a friend to your child than a parent. Yeah, just because I don't talk in a condescending manner to Midget and include her in almost all the aspects of my life does not mean that I've given up my role as an authority figure in her life.

* With only one kid, it's a hell of a lot harder to pull off the "Mommy doesn't have time for that right now," when you're trying to do something that doesn't look important to your kid.

* When you only have one kid, you'll be asked "When are you going to have more?" as many or more times than a mother with more than 3 kids is told "Wow! You must have your hands full!"

* With only one kid, I can get in and out of the movie theater for under $20, snacks included. (HAHAHAHA!! I had to throw in a gloating one.)

* With only one kid, I can spend hours reading, playing, coloring in coloring books, taking walks on the beach and just sitting and holding her without feeling like anyone else is missing out on "Mommy & Me" time.

* When you have only one kid and are a single mom, it's a hell of a lot easier to get a date. Not that it happens with any kind of frequency, but it's still easier. I think. So I've been told. Or something.

* With only one kid, it's way easier to reach over and cover their mouth right as they're starting to explain to a family member what they found in the top drawer of your nightstand. I dare the moms with three or more kids to grow a few more arms and accomplish that with their entire brood.

* With only one kid, babysitters are easier to come by and usually aren't limited to people you have to pay. Even better, if your kid is cute and precocious, your childless friends will jump at the chance to watch them for you. At least the first time they will. But it's easier making friends with childless people if you only have one, so at least there are plenty to run through.

* With only one kid, you're able to limit the amount of times you need to repeat, "Stop trying to put a dress on the dog!!!" to only 5 times a day.

* With only one kid, a box of Capri Sun juice pouches will last you two entire school weeks. A bundle pack of 4 boxes from Costco means you'll only spend $5 on drinks for their lunches over the next two month, not factoring in holidays.

* With only one kid, you don't have to take out a second mortgage on your home in order to take them to Disneyland.

* With only one kid, Nici ends up being reduced to pointing out how much less money she has to spend and yet feels it is important to mention that she's still constantly fucking broke. Tip: If you like your money, there is no way to budget it when you breed, so don't bother thinking that having only one is really going to curtail spending anymore than if you have several children.

* With only one kid, you know exactly who you got your cold from, but at least you know you're going to be passing it along to anyone else.


I love being a Mom at times. I also hate being a Mom at times. I'm not perfect just because I created another human life. I'm not good with commitments, so it still floors me to this day that I've managed to get this far without forgetting him behind at some gas station while on a road trip or giving him away when the Mormons come knocking at the door.

Still, there is nothing quite like looking into those wide, shining blue eyes as they blink lazily before settling closed. There's also nothing quite like the truck driver snoring that is soon to follow. I can't imagine having to deal with it in triplicate. Or fourth-licate. But mommies do it every day.