Karma, or Who Wouldn't Want to Arm Wrestle the Son of God


I've written about that pesky old Karma before. A vague concept that I am still trying to wrap my mind around. At first I thought it was just the newest whim but the more I read and hear, on MySpace and off, it is something that people really believe in. Books and Blogs with prophecy about how Karma is a bitch and will even the score.

Let me get this straight, the idea of a loving creator with the unlimited capacity of forgiveness is harder to believe than this mysterious orb of in energy that exacts revenge on behalf of the souls that were wronged?

Oh, OK, now I get it. Instead of forgiveness, we want revenge. We want blood. Instead of being bothered with doing it ourselves, oh and f*** forgiveness by the way, we sit back and wait for Karma to take care of it for us. That has to be the laziest rage I have ever heard of.

Now that I know how Karma is supposed to work, who are the recipients of it's favors? If I chop down a tree, does Karma put me on the list? Or does it have to be an animal? If I kill a rattlesnake, is Karma striking my heel? Or is it just the cute animals, like drowning a bag of kittens?

And what about God? Can God and Karma exist in the same universe? Is Karma on the payroll or vice-versa? Does the creator get a pass? God kills the weak and innocent all the time, chalking it all up to some sort of celestial plan.

The last hurdle I had with Karma is where does it begin and end? Let's say some dude wrongs some girl. So Karma enter stage left and uses some patsy to f*** up the dude. Now, because of his wrong, does the patsy get on Karma's shit list too. If so, the patsy's getting f***ed hard and dry from where I'm sitting.

Well, I've got a celestial plan of my own. I'm calling shotgun in Karma's Hummer. What else would a metaphysical power of vengeance drive anyway? I'm working for Karma, not against it. I choose to be the eternally blameless patsy.

From now on, all the bad things I do are just payback for someone that pissed Karma off, I am exempt. I mean, everybody has screwed someone over at some point right?

Like Jesus told the Pharisees when they were attempting to stone that woman in John chapter 8. "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."

Good thing I wasn't in that crowd. I would have smote that broad the biggest rock I could find. Mostly just to see what would have happened. You can't buy that kind of infamy.

Then I would have explained to Jesus it was alright, I'm working for Karma, and then I'd ask him if he'd like to grab a beer? My treat of course. Get a few in him and he might drop a hint or two.

Plus, who wouldn't want to arm wrestle the Son of God?