I am a cynical person. Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am bitter. But more than anything I am cynical. I don't know why. I live in a nice house, have plenty to eat, and succeed in a fair number of areas in my life, but for some reason optimism invokes in me a prominent feeling of nausea.

An example: When times are rough for an optimist, he/she might say something along the lines of "Life isn't going well right now, but I'm still better off than a lot of people and I am thankful for what I have. I know things will get better soon; they always do." The struggling individual may even allude to some sort of faith that a god will help him/her through the problem(s). I respond quite differently. Under the same circumstances, I might say "Fuck you Life. Who do you think you are, trying to screw me over?" Then I'll likely tell Life to go to hell. The difference is somewhat camouflaged, pregnant with subtleties that only astute readers can identify, but I'm sure with a magnifying glass of some sort you'll be able to notice the contrast. The first response is cheerful, optimistic, and serene. My response is, on the other hand, angry. Though it is not directly pessimistic, it is quite far away from the first series of statements. And it is because of this distance that I feel separated from optimism and turn to its archenemies: pessimism and cynicism.

But how did I get there in the first place? Why do I respond to obstacles differently? Rather than believing we will solve our international difficulties with diplomacy, I think the introduction of nuclear weapons will bring about the end of humanity. Rather than believing that there is a god up in the sky, protecting His children and offering them a haven upon their deaths in this mortal world, I think the universe is void of such a high power. Rather than... Well, you get my point. Why do I think these things? Why aren't I normal in my outlook on life? Is it because I'm a realist and see the world as it really is, while everyone else is blinded by their optimism? Or is it because I'm just weird? I don't know. But whatever the reason, this world really pisses me off.

So why do I not kill myself and get it over with? So why do I write blogs that point out issues in our society and ask people to think about and attempt to fix them? Well, I suppose it's because dying wouldn't accomplish much and I might as well do what I can to save the world. Hmmm, maybe I really am an optimist...