If I may quote Eminem -- but more cleanly -- God sent me today to gross the world out. Therefore, as part of my exercises to get writing again, I bring you:

Yucky Things!

1. Hugh Hefner. Lizard man he may be these days, but over the years he always invoked nausea in me. I believe the young plastic woman he was going to marry had a moment of self-revelation after acting in a spoof about her own upcoming marriage. His planned wedding, probably an effort to revive his brand, gave him spectacular publicity but not really a good look.

2. The TV show 2.5 Men. A biker recently said to me that it was the "best show on TV." We'd been talking about the writing on cable shows in particular, where well-done shows such as Mad Men, TrueBlood & Dexter are. Then he announces this opinion about 2 &1/2 Men (can't find the half symbol!). I had never seen it, so I tried to watch it a couple of times. I was shocked at the tired old jokes and situations it featured, the attitudes derived from decades past, the lack of commitment from the actors, the whole thing seemingly a parallel of Three's Company, just from the other side. How did such a piece of crap pay Charlie Sheen so much money? People watched this?

3. The Snake House. seattletimes/snakesonahouse I can imagine the rank taste and odor of the water the snakes swam through -- like a dark, oily flavor. Yuck.

4. Jim Morrison's voice. At least half the world will disagree violently with me about this, of course. He had the cool leather pants and aura of an interesting person, but I still feel that he sang as if he didn't give a flying squirrel, using only the breath he'd inhaled, and mere inertia, to vocalize.

5. The TV show Hoarders. When I mentioned to my sister that I had a hard time beginning housework, she suggested this show. Sure enough, I was so aghast, the scenes shown were so abhorrent, I was cleaning long before it ended. It made me think of the Dickens character who ran the rag-and-bone shop in the novel Bleak House; he was definitely a hoarder.

6. Bathroom cleansers' TV ads shown during mealtimes. This one mystifies me. I thought viewers would prefer that cleaning products make you feel clean. But some of those ones about the toilet wand that swirls around your potty and then you pop off the scrubber end and throw it away… oh, boy, somehow I just turn green. These ads always seem to come on when I've carried dinner or at least coffee in front of the TV. I have to change the channel, as fast as possible.

7. Damp laundry left too long, in the heat. With this smell we are all familiar. Unless of course we are polar bears and do not do laundry, in the heat or otherwise.

8. The sounds of the TV cartoon Family Guy. Again one about which many people would disagree. But I just can't bear their voices, so have never watched it. Just hearing promos for it on the radio drives me up a wall.

That's quite enough, so I'll stop. Next, I'll do a list of nice things.