Pittsburgh, PA
Not Interested


Post Reads:
Last Online:
18 days ago
View All »

My Friends

> 30 days ago
> 30 days ago
> 30 days ago
> 30 days ago
> 30 days ago
> 30 days ago
> 30 days ago
> 30 days ago



Arts & Culture > Unknowns


Without getting into my late brother’s health, I wanted to mention a couple of mysteries surrounding his death. One was his computers. When my older brother came to town a few weeks back, he solved this one for us. Doesn’t talk much on the phone due to deafness, but talks lots in person, so it was good.

Years back, when my sisters and I went to his apartment to deal with my younger brother’s belongings, I was really puzzled. I’m used to seeing good computer components and my little brother worked for the top big-technology company in the country as an engineer. But everything in his place was as if from the 1990s. Big CRT monitors and so on.

I figured his mental status… blah blah. Perhaps he used the equipment at work and didn’t work at home. And… you know, paranoia. Maybe he threw things out. When we packed up what was there, his will said he wanted all computer stuff to go to our surviving brother. So we did that, not really examining it.

At the time it didn’t occur to us sisters that the government had been there first. Anyone who used to have a clearance like his… you know. And mental deterioration and then suicide. They had to be careful. Maybe my oldest sisters realized it, but I never did. Too much else took up all my brain room.

But I’m still wondering about the absence of running shoes. Not a pair in the place (except those he was wearing), and we couldn’t find a gym membership where he might have had a locker. For someone who ran in 19 consecutive marathons, this was not reasonable. But of course when people die, so many things are left unanswered. Some of these mysteries become almost dear. You cling to them.

posted on Mar 24, 2021 11:06 AM ()


Grief is so hard to handle and there are always woulda shoulda issues for the bereaved and mysteries we will never solve. I think we need something tangible to focus on. I cling to one of Bobby's old tee shirts because it still smells like him. Suicide is hard to bear, one of my uncles died by hanging himself and it left countless questions.

comment by elderjane on Mar 25, 2021 3:11 AM ()
I make up stories about it for myself. Like maybe he ran into someone who had rotten running shoes and he said, wait, and went inside and got a pair for him; then the next day the man's friend came asking for a pair, then another until all the shoes had been given out.
reply by drmaus on Mar 25, 2021 12:31 PM ()
Sometimes we get answers and it brings up more questions. When my renter was getting ready to kill himself by hanging, he pawned everything he could to raise money for drugs. If he'd had running shoes, he would have pawned them. Sweaty running shoes at the pawn shop. Hah.
comment by traveltales on Mar 24, 2021 9:37 PM ()
That didn't really happen at one of your rentals? seems like the scenery would've worked the opposite way.
reply by drmaus on Mar 25, 2021 12:34 PM ()
No social media, huh?
comment by jjoohhnn on Mar 24, 2021 12:55 PM ()
Oh my god no. He hated that sort of thing. And there wasn't even an internet connection by the time we got there. We think it was removed.
reply by drmaus on Mar 24, 2021 1:48 PM ()
Sadly my older brother and I never had a relationship and when he died 2 years ago I felt nothing except for his wife and children who he had mad a remarkable family with!
comment by greatmartin on Mar 24, 2021 12:05 PM ()
Because of my sister-in-law we have all gotten to know each other over the years!
reply by greatmartin on Mar 26, 2021 12:43 PM ()
I hope you got to know them.
reply by drmaus on Mar 25, 2021 12:34 PM ()

Comment on this article   

486 articles found   [ Previous Article ]  [ Next Article ]  [ First ]  [ Last ]