These days it seems as though I’m sitting waiting here for an all-clear, as if the world was on fire and we had to wait for it to be put out. When am I getting out of here?

And it snowed again, so I’ve got this heavy white obstacle to clear first. I’m taking my time because I have to go straight to the car repair place to get the exhaust system fixed (which will cost me a lot, I’m sure. Already considered not fixing it, just replacing my ancient car but the trouble/cost of renting a car in order to do that outweighs repair.). My car suddenly rusted a hole in the muffler or pipes when I drove to pick up the payroll Thursday, and it sounds like a motorcycle now. Naturally, this is an expected thing on an old car which has seen many salted roads. I’m surprised it didn’t happen long ago.

Thanks to home delivery that has ramped up in the last 2 years, not only do I have tons of groceries but my printer ink was replaced in record time. It’s amazing that WholeFoods still delivers the next day, and sometimes even the same day you order. Mike and I were comparing how efficient our local delivery stuff is, and I realized I have never ordered a restaurant dinner. I think the cost would be ridiculous here, but where he is it’s very cheap.

I keep meaning to put an envelope outside for a delivery tip, but delivery dates keep being changed due to weather and other factors. Packages show up before I get to it.

The holidays weren’t great. One sibling clearly has a drinking problem, and there was kind of a scene. If we get together with that one again for lunch or dinner soon, I’m warning her I’ll leave if she tries drinking around us again. My oldest sister is still being ultra-cautious about getting together with anyone, due to her illness and compromised immune system, so we didn’t see her. I wish I could be in one place with all of them again, especially our youngest sister who is in New Mexico mapping the Carlsbad Caverns/park. Sometimes I feel like a puppy needing my fellow whelps. Or litter mates. Whatever you call them. I don’t really have extended family, so they are everything. The make me feel right and whole again.

Today would be a good time to light the fireplace. Temps have been pretty low lately.

There is one little corner of my house, where the pantry and then the powder room are, that is not brick at that point, just wall and vinyl siding. At the ceiling joint a gap has been gradually widening and now cold air pours in. So until I get something to stuff in there and block it, I use the pantry as my cold room and keep potatoes, bottles of wine or soda, and onions there. There is no door, but I hung 2 sets of heavy drapes at the doorway between it and the kitchen.

I’ve been keeping busy hand-sewing small things like a cross-body bag I wear to hold my keys and phone. I’m happy with it. It has a padded pocket for the phone and is made from an old pair of a long-ago boyfriend’s Dockers, a piece of a skirt, and a piece of an old sheet. I’ve been chopping up old clothes and using them for fabric. Soft knit clothes make good neck pillows.

I’m also obsessed with planning things to turn my vintage tablecloths and sheets into. Each sister will be receiving an apron made from them, to start with. Then I want to make some clothes. But the slightest thing, like having to replace the needle on the sewing machine, makes me delay and lose the energy to resume any project. I have to talk, talk, talk myself into doing the smallest things. It is a great effort to clean, even though seeing a clean room feels wonderful.

And it seems that saying I’m going to do something is a sure jinx; last night I told my sister A on the phone that I was about to go sweep the snow off the porch and steps, at least, although the snow hadn’t quite stopped, but I sure didn’t do that. I should never announce I’m going to do something.