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Life & Events > Cemetery


It’s been … a conflicted time, lately. My father, whom I broke off contact with many years ago, died, and for some reason arranged to be buried up here although his home was in Alabama. I have to say, quickly, that I am not grieving. Each of our family members’ experiences with this father were all a little different, and mine contained not one single good memory. However, a good thing that happened was that my brother (and his oldest son) traveled north for the funeral. He’s had a hard life, health-wise, but he seemed better than he was even years ago. My nephew, whom I’ve seen very little in his life, I would call adorable if he weren’t 40. So sweet and friendly.

I didn’t attend the funeral but went to my sister’s house where most of the siblings gathered. This was my risk of Covid for the season, since both my brother, and one sister, are conservatives and follow the hard right’s talking points on masks and pandemic; they do not take much care. (I’m just glad for their sake two sisters now have gotten full vaccines now since they’re health care providers.) I gave my brother a circular spark-plug gapper that used to be my younger brother’s (who’s gone now) and since I’d put it on a silver chain, he immediately put it on. Those things are actually kind of pretty when they’re shiny and little-used.

So it was wonderful seeing half a dozen of us together at once. My youngest sister across the country wasn’t here but she too has been in touch much more often lately. When it comes to families there is one thing mine actually can do right; despite our goofiness and antisocial ways, my brothers and sisters and I are perfectly clear that we love each other more than even political differences can mess up. Finally, something good to realize after last year.

(To break this sentimentalism: maybe soon I'll describe how I am resolved to be buried in this same cemetery as my brother and become a ghostly guard for my brother to ward off my father's rotten spirit...)

posted on Feb 19, 2021 9:27 AM ()


I am so glad to hear that your family can overlook political differences and still love each other. We do that in my family too and we love being together.
comment by elderjane on Feb 20, 2021 2:48 AM ()
Your family obviously gets this ability from you. I know my mother is the reason my siblings and I never felt envy of one another, and can always find good in each other. She sincerely loved us over everything else.
reply by drmaus on Feb 21, 2021 9:34 AM ()
I'm always heartened to hear about someone successfully giving away something like that tool to someone who appreciates it.
comment by traveltales on Feb 19, 2021 11:32 AM ()
Oh, he won't use it. It was my little brother Michael's so we treasure it.
reply by drmaus on Feb 19, 2021 1:36 PM ()
I 'divorced' my family when I was 16 and never regretted it--made my own hand-picked family
comment by greatmartin on Feb 19, 2021 10:47 AM ()
Yep. This winter especially, I think the people you automatically check on are probably your family whether they're related or not.
reply by drmaus on Feb 19, 2021 1:35 PM ()
I still have my spark plug gapper in the upper left hand drawer of my desk where it's been for 25 years or more. Those things aren't usually needed any longer and I'd never find it again if I moved it after all this time.
comment by jjoohhnn on Feb 19, 2021 9:41 AM ()
Vintage tools are usually interesting-looking, though. My brother had a vintage car he used the gapper for, I think.
reply by drmaus on Feb 19, 2021 1:32 PM ()

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