I meant it about needing a plastic ball I have to bat around to get food from.

Ways not to diet but am considering anyway:

1. Have a friend put your lunch at the center of a huge public garden maze so you have to find it.

2. Put your food item in one of those Chinese puzzle boxes, which if you solve will send you to hell, like in the Hellraiser movies.

3. Lock your snack food in a briefcase with a combination lock which you should then spin. Forget the combination.

4. Go out to eat with a friend who orders things like limburger and liverwurst. Trade meals if possible. If not, keep leaning forward and sniffing your friend’s plate.

5. Cook for a charitable event, and make it all egg dishes. All….eggs. Or make half a dozen green bean casseroles with onions on top.

6. Treat yourself like the zoos do the polar bears: Freeze your food in blocks of ice and toss them in the swimming pool. Eat it that way — if you can.

7. Anything you cook that should be hot, eat it stone cold. Anything that should be cold, warm it up.

8. Think of what upsets you most to find — a rotted or buggy fruit, meat that looks/smells funny, tomatoes that taste of “refrigerator,” sour milk, fish that have passed, or fruit that leaned against the garlic in the fridge — and expose yourself to it when you’re pretty sure you should stop eating.

9. Brush your teeth 8 or 9 times a day.

10. Pop a Fisherman’s Friend in your mouth if you’re tempted to eat when you shouldn’t. Or deliberately burn your tongue on scalding coffee.

11. Have oral surgery. Or dental work, and ask for lots of novacaine.

12. Before a meal, watch an episode of TrueBlood, Dexter, Walking Dead, or iZombie, a Ted Cruz speech or an hour of C-Span — or take a quick look at the Personals section of Craigslist. (Last not recommended.)