I've been really going through a lot of pain from my back surgery this week and also big time muscles spasms in my back. It hasn't been a good couple of weeks at all. I've also found out how unreliable nurses and nurses aides are for giving aide and relief during this painful time. Sadly, I'm also coming fac-to-face, with the lack of compassion and help I receive from family members, especially "the one who is suppose to care the most."

I was under the impression the dear JR was such a great caregaver during the years he took care of his fist wife when she was dieing of cancer. Now, I have come to question just how much he was around to care for her. But, I won't get into that as I wasn't here when she was sick and I really don't know first-hand what took place. But.... I do know first-hand what is taking place now and I am terribly hurt and dissappointed by my husband.

Anyhow, I'm not going into detail about what has or hasn't been happening, but I just wanted to put down my thoughts on the whole issue of divorce, since right now I'm ready to sign the divorce papers. Of course, I'm just ranting and not really planning on divorcing... at least in the middle of recoverying from back surgery. But... this one thing... I do know for certain......

The last time I got a divorce, I tried to explain my side of the issues in hopes that maybe someone would understand. I was a total failure at any explaining and I came out looking like the really "bad bad person" in that whole ordeal. Of course, I would look like the bad person... I had an affair and left my husband and daughter. Now.... in our society that is considered awful, even when a person has spent most of their 20 years of marriage crying in the shower and totally unhappy.

Soooo.... I am just going to say that "if I ever get divorced again"... I won't try to explain my side to anyone. I will just file divorce papers and then move on and not look back. And.... the whole world can think what ever they want to think or say what ever they want to say. It will just be one of those "I don't give a damn Scarlet statements."

Well... I guess you are figuring out that I am having a very bad night and the saddest part of this night is that I am basically on my own for caregiving. Of course, if one were to ask JR, he would tell you how he gets up every hour or two to check on me and to get me a pain pill. What is great is that I have now figured out that I can do that little task for myself. I even made it to the computer so I could "bitch" a little.

Annie :o(