Angie

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angiedw
Name:
Angie
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Marion, IL
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11/06
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Married
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Education

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Livin' Life Large

Life & Events > Relationships > What is it with Women
 

What is it with Women

....and abusive relationships? I've had my experience as well as some of you, and I do not understand why we allow ourselves to get into these situations and many times stay entirely too long and become so scarred and hurt.
My daughter is still harassed by the bum in Texas--but she allows it to continue. She will make one excuse after another until finally I don't ask any more, and she doesn't volunteer information. Sometimes, not knowing is better.
My girlfriend's daughter has been in a terrible relationship for about three years now. She has a daughter who will be two November 23. The abuse finally culminated this past weekend with Jenny receiving 53 stitches while her significant other, his mistress, and his brother laughed at the amount of blood pouring from her wounds. She got out of the apartment, called a friend who took her to the emergency room then called her mother. I guess she was afraid of what her mother would do if she were in the same room with the idiots. She is now unable to work and was fluctuating about whether or not to press charges. She did finally have him arrested, but I am not certain that she will not eventually drop the charges. Crazy!
I taught Jenny three different classes in high school and have been friends with her mom for many years. I have watched Jenny grow up and feel more like a relative than merely a friend. I want to do something to help her, but in this situation she is the only one to make the decision to help herself. I feel that when the stitches are all healed, she will return to the abuse, and that breaks my heart.
We women many times think that we deserve abusive behavior from our men. Why is that? Why do we empower them? Do we not want to admit defeat? Are we afraid of being alone? I guess that there are just too many psychological issues for a simple answer.

posted on Oct 21, 2008 9:36 AM ()

Comments:

And, Angie, you're gone?
comment by sunlight on Jan 8, 2009 6:23 PM ()
Angie??
comment by sunlight on Dec 11, 2008 10:19 PM ()
i was in a abusive relationship for 16 years. all mental no physical. first my excuse was the kids. then being alone. then money. i thought i could never make it on my own. well finally enough was enough and i was out to prove i could do it on my own and i did. there is alot of help out there. ya know what upsets me is the people that have never been abused and think they have the best advise for you. my thing is people say just walk away. sometimes it is just as easy as that.
comment by butterfly1969 on Dec 7, 2008 9:52 AM ()
some women think they deserve the abuse but hey not some think they cant get away they can ive never been in that situation but if i was id go i know that it must be even harder for you knowing what your daughter is going through i would be worried sick to if it was mine id try move heaven and earth to get her sorted out but then again its up to the woman all you can do angie is be there to pick up the pieces for her

take care hope to see you soon
love cath
comment by oldroan on Dec 6, 2008 3:00 PM ()
Angie, my dear, where are you? I'm getting worried!
comment by sunlight on Nov 28, 2008 2:53 PM ()
Angie, this is a hard post to answer. It makes me sad that so many women go through such hard times. I will go to another post to leave a response.

BTW, where are you? It says you've been gone 13 days... well, I guess I shouldn't say anything because I've been gone, too.
comment by sunlight on Nov 14, 2008 6:41 PM ()
I don't get it, but I totally sympathize. I can't expect to know what goes through someones head when they tolerate abuse. I've never had to experience this myself and at this age, never would allow it. (My husband told me to shut up, just ONCE in our marriage together and I cried... He has never spoken harshly to me since.) Hopefully I have shown my girls (and my son) how you treat someone and speak to them when you love somebody.
Hugs and best wishes
comment by shesaidwhat on Nov 2, 2008 1:53 AM ()
It appears by the comments: Nearly everybody has either known firsthand or by second a woman in this situation. Sadly.

My Aunt, my mom-by-law and two sisters have lived [and survived] that life.
comment by dazeymae on Nov 1, 2008 2:10 PM ()
A friend of mine in Maine was a battered wife. When she finally got the guts to do something about it, she came to me, and I put her up in my house for two nights before I could get her into a shelter for battered women. One of those nights, her husband showed up in my driveway, calling her out and screaming obscenities. I rna out into the driveway and confronted him. Being the total, dispicable coward that he was, he immediately backed down and seemed frightened of me. (He was MUCH bigger than I was.) He screamed at me once, and, when I shouted back, he cowered and ran for his car.
The next day, I drove my friend to the shelter. (I, being male, wasn't allowed inside.)
Two months later, my friend was killed in a suspicious car accident. The police said that her car careened off a wooded back road while travelling at a high rate of speed. The car smashed into a tree, and she was killed upon impact. The police suspect that somebody was chasing her.
comment by hayduke on Oct 29, 2008 10:26 AM ()
My sister was in an abusive marriage. She didn't leave until her husband started to abuse their thirteen month old son. She went to an Abused Women Shelter, and he appeared there the next day. God knows how he found it. They sent her to a shelter in another state. It took him almost two years to find them again. She moved again, to another city. Stupidly, she filed for divorce, and the papers he was served reflected her new address. She and the child were brutally attacked over about a four year period, until I hired a lawyer with all my savings and got the State of Wisconsin to protect both her and the child.

While she was married, I would visit almost daily, finding new black eyes and broken bones daily. She said: "Walk away or he will kill me and the baby and Mother and our sister and brothers." She truly believed him.

Over the years he made threats to my aged mother, other members of my family, and me. I kept records and took his sorry butt to court, and he sat for a while inn jail. After that, I never heard from him again. He was court ordered never to contact me or he would go to jail for two years. It was not until the State of Wisconsin stepped in to protect that small family from him that it really did stop. By then, the child was seven.

Women desperately need to file charges, and testify in court, and report violation of orders of protection. It should be noted, though, that every year women are found dead with orders of protection on their persons. Until women and men, including state and local governments, stop accepting that domestic violence is okay, that anything will really change. Men control most governments. Women, let's get busy!
comment by thestephymore on Oct 29, 2008 9:22 AM ()
I know a beautiful and talented young woman who is in an abusive relationship with a "bad boy." He treats her like dirt, and threatens to do physical harm to her and her family on a regular basis. He's possessive, angry and brooding.
The woman is intelligent, physically beautiful, sweet and caring. AND she would never consider leaving this jerk because she says that he's bi-polar and "he needs me."
Why do I want to take and shake her?
comment by hayduke on Oct 28, 2008 10:10 AM ()
Sad commentary on humans, Chapter 7.
comment by solitaire on Oct 25, 2008 5:34 AM ()
There are so many reasons why women stay. There are economic reasons as women fear that they will not be able to find a job to support themselves and the children. Often times, the abuser tells the victim that they won't be able to support themselves and the children, that they have nowhere else to go. Women fear that they have no job skills, especially those that are forced to stay home and care for the children. Women also want to believe that their abuser won't always be that way...that they love them and are really sorry when they say they are. Other times, women don't want to take the children away from their father. Lastly, women are often times told by their abusers that if they even 'try' to leave, they will find them and kill them. The abuser tells their victim that no one will believe them. Like I said, there are so many reasons....
comment by hopefields on Oct 23, 2008 8:59 PM ()
I firmly believe that women have low self esteem to the extent that they do not believe they deserve better. Sad but true. I'm 35, never married, and happy. Men STILL ask me why I'm single, as if I've got some horrible disease. I answer,"Forever is a really long time to spend with someone I don't adore."
comment by nikilovestoeat on Oct 22, 2008 4:17 PM ()
This is terrible. I have been there and done that I bought the t-shirt. I finally got smart and the one thing that I do regret is that I never pressed charges.
comment by spicybitch on Oct 22, 2008 12:07 PM ()
very sad and horrible
comment by firststarisee on Oct 21, 2008 6:47 PM ()
I'm not sure Angie. But this line from an Ani song came to mind when I started reading, "She never really expected more. That's just not the way we are raised."
comment by janetk on Oct 21, 2008 4:06 PM ()
I counselled for a year in a batterd Womens shelter. I don't know how it happens that there is such a loss of self esteem that women think they deserve it. I have seen women who were locked in their homes during the day when their husbands were at work and who escaped by living under trailers in their yards until they could get away. Then, once away, some of them write to prisoners and start the whole abusive thing going again.
comment by elderjane on Oct 21, 2008 10:33 AM ()
I hope leaves the charges in place and leaves the guy
comment by stiva on Oct 21, 2008 10:29 AM ()
that is a deep issue... it's weird where our minds go - like we can fix things or we are the only one's who could love them and don't want them to be lonely or alone because we do love them.
Complex for sure. I hope she leaves him forever. AWFUL!
comment by kristilyn3 on Oct 21, 2008 9:39 AM ()

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