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'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
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SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a
beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
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SMART ASS ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at
the grocery store but she couldn't find o ne big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy
replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
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SMART ASS ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you
all day,' the cop said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way w ithout
a ticket.
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SMART ASS ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A
sign comes up that reads, 'Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he knows it, the
bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck und er the bridge. Cars are
backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of
his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says , 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas.'
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SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007 -- A college teacher reminds her class
of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you
not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious
personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's
it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is
restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her hea d
and sweetly says, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your
other hand.'
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Two bonus extras: A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her
Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 Christmas stamps?'
The clerk says, 'What denomination?'
The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic,
12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.
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A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay
me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
He never heard the shot....
you don't know me girl
) I had never 'heard' of this particular one and did, have a surprise when I listened to it on Saturday - even though it had been on my playlist for ages!!! 
