Laura

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This Oughta Be Good

Entertainment > Humor > Wednesday Funny - Pigs
 

Wednesday Funny - Pigs

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home; maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing.)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)

posted on Sept 15, 2010 3:42 PM ()

Comments:

Sorry. I thought those were your comments (which surprised me). You needed a disclaimer. I'm pretty naive sometimes--and anti social for sure!
comment by solitaire on Sept 18, 2010 6:08 AM ()
This post is a howl, esp. the remarks. Priceless.
comment by tealstar on Sept 17, 2010 2:14 PM ()
Every so often the emails people send me are really funny.
reply by troutbend on Sept 17, 2010 7:08 PM ()
I hope you're over the pig thing by now! Get a grip!
comment by solitaire on Sept 16, 2010 2:16 PM ()
I didn't write any of it, buster, just passing on an email. Get a grip on your ownself, you're the one with all the social probs.
reply by troutbend on Sept 17, 2010 7:07 PM ()
comment by aussiegirl on Sept 16, 2010 10:45 AM ()
Hope your week is going well.
reply by troutbend on Sept 16, 2010 1:18 PM ()
Dolphins are very smart.
comment by elderjane on Sept 16, 2010 7:52 AM ()
Yes they are. Look how they can train people to stand on the side of the swimming pool and throw fish to them.
reply by troutbend on Sept 16, 2010 1:17 PM ()
I guess that the wild fires didn't come to you. Thank goodness. I don't want my bench to burn. Love, Nenah
comment by nenah on Sept 16, 2010 6:58 AM ()
It looks like the fire is contained and expected to be controlled by Friday. Your bench is safe.
reply by troutbend on Sept 16, 2010 1:17 PM ()
a 30 minute orgasm can cause a heart attack in an old boar --BUGGA
comment by kevinhere on Sept 16, 2010 3:16 AM ()
reply by troutbend on Sept 16, 2010 1:14 PM ()

By the way, the glowing urine thing was discovered by a hippie in the 1960s during a black light pot party: "Did you see that?? You have one far out cat, man!"
comment by marta on Sept 15, 2010 8:40 PM ()
"Hey man, the candle went out. Oh, wait, we don't need to light it. The cat is pissing on the table."
reply by jondude on Sept 16, 2010 5:30 AM ()
That's a relief. I've been watching this fox marking the edge of my yard by peeing and thinking that people buy products containing fox urine to repel rodents. It seems to have scared mice into the house, and the chipmunks are not bothered, they continue to frolic all over the place.
reply by troutbend on Sept 15, 2010 10:07 PM ()
comment by kristilyn3 on Sept 15, 2010 3:49 PM ()
Came in email today from one of my unemployed friends. I'm waiting to see how being unemployed affects her sources of funny emails.
reply by troutbend on Sept 15, 2010 10:09 PM ()

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