I recently had long chats with two old friends on the phone, one in New York, the other in Chicago. It was God's way of telling me I have chosen badly.

My New York friend said she would vote McCain-Palin. She thinks Palin is gutsy. She wanted to know why I was upset with her and thought I was too involved. My solace in this is that I know New York will vote for Obama. I can’t turn my back on my friend because we have known each other 40 years. But I won’t be talking with her again till after the election.

My Chicago friend goes back to childhood. We share ethnicity as well as many memories. She is voting McCain-Palin because she doesn’t want a black in the White House although that isn’t the word she used. My friend is so damaged that every word she utters is negative. She bemoans her fate in being financially destitute (she is) and telling me only her family matters to her: her son and daughter. And, she continues, she has been a Republican for many years and they are all, Republicans and Democrats, crooks and liars and we can’t expect anything from them and I am a fool to think anything will change if Obama succeeds. This is damage beyond repair. I’ll have to let her be.

Her daughter lives with her (she is in her 40s now) and makes good money but, like the Wendy side of the Peter Pan syndrome in men, spends it all on clothes and shoes while her mother pet sits to pay the rent. The son, divorced three times, is constantly being bailed out financially by Mom. Telling her about tough love doesn’t work. I just shut up and lend a sympathetic ear, which is what you do for friends you can’t help.

The other side of this friendship (I just had a long chat with her today so it is fresh in my mind) is that she constantly admonishes me that I am obsessive about my looks and that I have to accept reality. It pleases me, I say, to stay fit. But why? She implores. She makes it seem like a bad thing that I work out. Then she launches into how she doen’t care that she weighs 150 and she doesn’t need (she is widowed) men to be interested in her. She says I am like her daughter who is obsessed about not growing older. I told her that all of my life I was a certain weight and I feel best being that weight. Also, when I don't work out, I start to deteriorate in energy and motivation to do anything at all. I get sick and stay that way. She is not convinced. It has to be foolish vanity in her mind.

What I have observed as I have danced and dieted my way through life is that many friends and acquaintances have tried to dissuade me. “It’s raining, you can’t possibly be going to class in the rain.” When I pinched a nerve and had to wear a cervical collar, the litany was: I guess you’ll have to stop dancing now, ha ha. Ha, ha, indeed, I said, adjusting my collar and picking up my ballet bag. I’m going to class, although I will not be doing the big jumps today and I’ll be modifying some of the other work to spare my neck.

I have never understood the nay-saying. When I danced, when it was class or bust, it was the only way to be. I couldn’t stop. I’d leave work, truly tired (4 to 6 was my drop dead down time)get myself on the train, get uptown, crawl up the subway stairs, get to the studio, change into my ballet clothes and slowly, slowly my body (which knew the drill) would revive and then I’d have a really good, sometimes great class. Then I’d crawl home and Jay would massage my toes and we would have dinner that he was sweet enough to fix.

I lost track of myself when Ed and I first moved down to Florida. There was so much to do to get the house organized, to learn the area. Once you get out of your routine, it’s hard to get back in. So I gained about 20 pounds. On a small person, that’s a lot. It has taken me two years to get it off, but I’ve done it. So my friend says, I’ll never, never be what I was. Can anyone please tell me why that is relevant? What am I, stupid? I know I won’t be 20 or 30 or 40 again (great years – even 50 and 60 was hot stuff), but working "just as if" is what keeps me alive.

She doesn’t get it. Or won’t.

xx, Teal