I went on to YouTube to listen to the Chopin F minor Ballade that I have been studying for many years. I have brought it along to almost performance level. Sometimes a professional’s version is beyond what I can do technically, so I wasn’t at all confident that it was a good idea. But I convinced myself that a little humility wouldn’t hurt. The difficulties for my hands are many and now that I am older I have arthritis in my fingers. I play through the pain and the work helps my hands.

I found this pianist Krystian Zimerman, Polish born, who is absolutely magnificent. I spent the afternoon just listening to him play various Chopin pieces, the Ballade, a couple of scherzos, and then he played the Beethoven Eroica piano concerto and since Beethoven is for me the very meat and potatoes of existence, it made me feel like life was worth living. So I cried. Leonard Bernstein conducted. And, in case you are wondering, Chopin is dessert. But life is Beethoven. Schubert a close second. Stick Schumann in there too.

Without Sophie, I foomf along, trying to remember everything she taught me. But, no doubt about it, I’d be better off musically if she was still alive. She died a month short of her 100th birthday in 2007. The Austrian government was sending her reparation money (not gladly, I’m sure) and every year they’d keep checking, not believing she was still alive. Until finally one day, she wasn’t. I have her photo on my piano. And I hope she isn’t cringing as she hears me struggle. When I am deep in study, I hear her voice in my head. It doesn’t even matter that I’ll never be great. It’s the journey that resonates. And in any art, there is no end to it which is why prominent professionals still have teachers/mentors. There is always something more to be learned. Sometimes when Sophie showed me something new that solved a problem, I’d think, wow, that is so simple. It’s the only way. How could I have missed it?

Sophie once said that she would like to sit across the room and hear me play, as if I were in performance. I said, “Sophie, Rubinstein could be playing for you and you would interrupt him with a correction in less than a minute.” She admitted I had a point.

xx, Teal

P.S. Sophie was a mewmber of a prominent musical family. Google her brother, the cellist Emanuel Feuermann who died at 39. He was a legend.