My horoscope this morning said, among other nonsense, that I “love to ponder a question for which there is no answer” because it relaxes me. What??!! are you nuts?

Years ago the New York Post carried a horoscope column (that was syndicated by the New York Times for which I worked at the time) by a fellow who,it seemed, had my number. I used to look under the bed at night to be sure he wasn’t there. Later I learned he and I were born on the exact same day, same year (eerie music here). He was scheduled to come into the office one day and his editors wanted us to meet, but he avoided this and it occurred to me that, perhaps, he thought they were trying to get us together. I believe he was gay. He would have been safe with me but was too leery to find out.

I did have a professional do my horoscope once, after Jay died. I was in such intense pain that any New Age remedy was eagerly sought. I even bought books on "white" magic. Did you know that good witches abhor black magic?

I was burning candles, writing catchy mantras, and meditating while dating Ed. One day he came home (we were living together by then) and sniffed the air where there was more than a hint of candle wax having just been snuffed out. Quickly, I might add. “What do I smell?” he asked. I forget what I said, but his interest was deflected because I started dinner. Ed's interest in dinner is the stuff of legend.

Well, not to incantate but just because it is beautiful, a couple of years ago I researched crystal balls on line and ordered a large one in cobalt blue. It took a long time to be in stock and the seller tried to persuade me to buy pearl gray instead, but I wanted it for looks and said I’d wait. The package came while I was visiting New York. Ed and I talked one afternoon. Ten minutes after that conversation the phone rang again, and Ed said, “Did you order a crystal ball?” Well, to my chagrin, the package had been delivered when I wasn’t there to tuck it away somewhere and sort of bring it out gradually. Ed’s final say on this subject was, “You are a squirrel.”

So, from time to time, I look into this very fine ball and sink myself into the beauty of its deep blue. Now that’s relaxing.

On a more modern, scientific note, we have a friend on the island who has been studying handwriting analysis. She is getting good at it and did an analysis of samples from both Ed and me. She was 80 percent accurate. She said of me (I am not mentioning any of the traits that might be construed as negative or obstinate – who, me?) that I am a very spiritual person with extreme depth of thought. I mention this to Ed from time to time. I point to myself and say, “Spiritual, deep thinker”. I won’t say what he says back.

xx, Teal