My sister replied yesterday afternoon.

She wrote that she likes the friendship we have, but my wife ruins gatherings and conversations. They especially dislike her for a comment she made 20 years ago, but in the old emails she accuses me of dwelling in the past.

I looked the definition of friend this morning, because it's a concept that I have difficulty with. A friend is a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. Someone "who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement". Ok, we know each other because we're family.

She reminded me that our daughter "won't know any of her fucking family". I was aware of that. Her paternal family anyway. Everything is fine with her maternal family.

My sister wrote that I live in my own little world, but should know that they love me for who I am and care for me.

The emails that I mentioned previously were almost exactly two years ago. In those my sister and her husband were dismissive about my experience with our parents, saying that I may have been emotionally (and physically) abused in the past, but they are wonderful people, get over it. Yes, it was in the past, but that has colored my present because it affects how I deal with relationships, or rather, don't. They don't acknowledge anything I wrote as valid or that any of feelings I might have are legitimate. I don't express feelings very much, but they are mine and they could at least recognize that.

One of those old emails was to Dolly from the brother in law. He told her (short version) that he doesn't like her and she should mind her own business.

Because of her involvement in those emails, my father wrote to Dolly back then that he supports my brother in law 100% in his assessment of me and also understands my mother as well, adding that the latter is delusional. I don't get how he can understand her, but yet think she's delusional, but continuing... He also wrote that I needed to change my perspective and doubts that I will ever forgive my mother for the past. No mention or explanation of his role in this.

My sister wrote also back then that I'm rigid in my thinking and need to stop being miserable and dwelling in the past. At some point since then she started sending emails to me again, telling me about the events in her life, like none of this happened.

Now that she's ill, I'm supposed to be supportive of her. What she is going through is terrible, but I can't come up with much sympathy when she has no respect for me. I don't see how that is friendship or love.