(God writing)

Dang! What did I do wrong? I was watching my team, the Texas Christian University Horned Frogs play Boise State U (no religious affiliation) last night doing my best to help TCU win. But I got sleepy (even God needs his beauty rest) and hit the sack before the game was over. I heard on ESPN this morning that the Frogs lost! How is that possible? Have I lost my touch?

When I (The Almighty) watch a football game, I'm like everybody else and root for one team over the other. I take everything into consideration: the coach (does he go to church?), the players (do they point fingers up to me when they score a touchdown, etc.?), the band (good moral music), the cheerleaders (are their outfits and routines too suggestive?), pre-game prayers (must be in Jesus' name, and to hell with any Jews or Muslims--or nonbelievers!).

Of course, my favorite teams represent certain universities: Notre Dame, Boston College, Southern Methodist, Oral Roberts, etc. They get automatic perks. I have a difficult time when they play each other. I mean, to whom do I place the hex? I have to look at their history and beliefs. If SMU played TCU, I'd have to favor SMU. They're both Protestant, but Methodists go back to the 1700's with John Wesley, Disciples of Christ (The Christian Church) was founded later in the early 1800's. And being that I'm afraid of water, I don't like baptism by immersion, which the Disciples prefer. There are a couple of other reasons, but I'll spare you the details. And I won't get into the Catholic issue.

It's not an easy job choosing one team over another. My fan base looks up to me (both literally and figuratively). Half of them are angry at me when their team loses. Fortunately, I'm easily forgiven. Others (coaches, players) are blamed. But when their team wins, I get all the glory! Halelujah! I really care. No, really.