CJ Bugster

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redimpala
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CJ Bugster
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Parenting & Family > Motherhood > The Trials and Tribulations of Young Love
 

The Trials and Tribulations of Young Love

I'm back, because I have something eating at my craw, and I need to vent.

Bailey and her boyfriend, who--have I told you--is also named Bailey are having issues, and it is all because of his mother. First, you need to know that she home schooled him until this year because she thought he would be corrupted by the public schools, which, she perceives, are full of evil.

Now, he attends Prestonwood Christian Academy with our Bailey. They both are Freshmen, who are part of the high school here.

Last summer, he asked his mother and dad if he could begin seeing our Bailey socially. They said that he could so long as they were with parents or in a group.

Then, she changed her mind about a month ago, stating that she only wanted him to "court" girls....but not date them. He asked if he could still take Bailey to the Homecoming dance, which is this weekend. She said he could. Then Thursday, she changed her mind and said he could not attend the dance.

She has now decided her son cannot attend because it is being sponsored by PCA parents rather than the school, and she just does not consider that an "appropriate" environment. She has known this from the beginning.

She also previously told the two of them that if either began "dirty dancing" at the homecoming dance, the other should immediately call her. Bailey can barely dance, much less "dirty dance." I suspect her son is the same.

Needless to say, Bailey is really upset. She has been looking forward to this since school began. Holly had already bought her a beautiful new pair of heels and spent $50 dollars to buy him a fancy garter, which, evidently is part of the tradition.

She has pulled such stunts as telling them not to hold hands after they went to a football game with her parents, and she saw a photo his grandfather took of the two of them holding hands in a picture with his grandmother.

Once, when they were using their I-pads to talk, she watched and told Bailey to change her shirt, because she could see her bra through her shirt.

This woman is either a religious freak, a control freak, or she just doesn't like Bailey. At any rate, Holly and Bevan have finally had enough.

They have decided it is time to have a chat with his parents, as she constantly keeps Bailey crying and upset.

posted on Oct 7, 2012 11:07 AM ()

Comments:

Wow, what a nut! She is a genuine religious fanatic. Bet if she could, she would suck the hormones right out of her son to deprive him of any desires. This kid will likely rebel big time.
comment by dragonflyby on Nov 1, 2012 10:37 AM ()
I think your Bailey needs to let that other Bailey go. If the mother is THIS controlling now?????? I worry for this kids future...
comment by kristilyn3 on Oct 8, 2012 7:36 AM ()
I think so too. I'm hoping she will soon come to that conclusion on her own.
reply by redimpala on Oct 8, 2012 11:22 AM ()
There's probably not much you (or Bailey's parents) can do. I'm guessing male Bailey's mother's attitude will only serve to strengthen the couple's relationship. Glad to read your post.
comment by solitaire on Oct 8, 2012 5:28 AM ()
Thanks, Randy. So far, everything she has done has not driven them apart. This woman is a controlling individual, who seems to say one thing, then change it if the whim hits her. My Bailey knows she has the unconditional support of her parents and me, but I hate to see her upset by this woman all the time.
reply by redimpala on Oct 8, 2012 7:02 AM ()
True love never runs smooth , but this is ridiculous i'de say to bailey dump him. at that age she has plenty of time to get over him , the sooner the better. his mother would make a mother in law from hell
comment by kevinshere on Oct 8, 2012 2:33 AM ()
You are right about one thing. She would be a MIL from hell. They are both very young. I'm waiting for this to run its course and for our Bailey to move on.
reply by redimpala on Oct 8, 2012 7:04 AM ()
I had to google to see if Bailey is considered a boys or a girls name. Apparently, it's unisex, like Alex. That settled, it sounds like your granddaughter needs to find a new boyfriend. Of course being told that, she could go all Romeo and Juliet on it, and end up marrying the kid and have that crazy woman for a mother-in-law and have a couple of kids so your Bailey is stuck with her for life. People are so perverse about things like that, especially young people. I think the parental chat is long overdue, just to see what this crazy woman has to say for herself when confronted by adults instead of bullying teenagers under the guise of What Would Jesus Do.
comment by troutbend on Oct 7, 2012 4:44 PM ()
I am personally glad that Holly and Bevan have decided to have a chat with his parents. They know them personally; and, as Bevan said, a call to them explaining why they had decided not to let their Bailey take our Bailey to the homecoming dance would have been no more than common courtesy, given the fact that she waited until a week before the event to make this announcement. It could
reply by redimpala on Oct 7, 2012 6:50 PM ()
Yes, a lot of drama. Your Bailey should try to remove herself from this relationship. Try to get her to understand that it is a no-win. It will hurt now, but she'll make better friends. Furthermore, looking into the distant future, suppose they do make a lasting connection, is this the mother-in-law she wants? The woman seems to relish making her son and his friends miserable. And where is her husband in all this? If he disagrees with her, he should speak up.
comment by tealstar on Oct 7, 2012 2:29 PM ()
I gather she browbeats the husband just like she does her kids. He is 15 years older than she, and she seems to be the boss in that household. I would hate to have this woman for a MIL.
reply by redimpala on Oct 7, 2012 6:52 PM ()
Long story short (well as short as I can make it) I worked one summer having to take a bus to and from New Jersey/New York as an usher at a 42nd street movie theatre to save enough money for me to take Susan Schwartz (OMG! Over 70 years ago!!) to the Labor Day Country Fair as my date--and would give my mother money each week to hold for me--the evening of the big date she wouldn't give me the money--okay here is where I make it short--borrowed money from a (rich) friend went to the fair with Susan--never got my money back from my mother ("Well you live here and you don't pay room and board") It turns out that she was afraid she would lose me (like she lost her husband and older son) if I became 'too attached' to Susan or any other girl
A year later I packed my bags and left home for good! Just asking--is he a 'momma's boy'?

I was so excited when I saw the REDIMPALA notification!!!
comment by greatmartin on Oct 7, 2012 12:26 PM ()
Well, she kept him home under her thumb his first eight years of school. She seems to rule everyone in that household, and I definitely don't think she is ready for her son to grow up. She wants to keep him right under her. He had been working for his dad and uncle working to earn money for Homecoming so he could buy Bailey a mum and take her out to eat. I don't know what has happened to his money. The boy has gone through puberty. He is NOT going to listen to her much longer if I am any authority on hormones, and I think I am.
reply by redimpala on Oct 7, 2012 6:57 PM ()
John, you are absolutely correct on every point. I don't really think anyone can reason with this woman because she is too much of a control freak. Male Bailey is not yet strong enough to stand up to his mother; but when he does, and he will, sooner or later, it is going to be a rude awakening for her. As for our Bailey, I think she needs to look for a new boyfriend.
comment by redimpala on Oct 7, 2012 12:24 PM ()
butt out and tell Bailey there are other fish in the sea. It is hard to see
her hurting but it is all part of teen life. The adults should be supportive
but not get invested emotionally in all of this.
comment by elderjane on Oct 7, 2012 11:42 AM ()
Holly and Bevan had stayed out up to this point; however, they know these people and go to church with them. Evidently, the father has no problem with them; it is all the mother. Holly and Bevan would like to smooth this over to get through homecoming; then I think they will butt out and tell Bailey to look elsewhere for a boyfriend.
reply by redimpala on Oct 7, 2012 12:22 PM ()
Unfortunately, chatting with the person you describe isn't going to accomplish much, if anything. A person who is that rigid in her thinking isn't about to respond to reason on a whim. Male Bailey is going to have to stand up for himself, which is unlikely at his age, or female Bailey is going to have to take her business elsewhere. It's not possible for anyone, even kids, to live by the inconsistent control of another.
comment by jjoohhnn on Oct 7, 2012 11:37 AM ()
Oops! My answer posted above elderjane's comment. Sorry about that.
reply by redimpala on Oct 7, 2012 12:25 PM ()

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