It’s only recently that I’ve begun to realize how utterly terrifying most children’s toys are. This fact was reinforced last night while I was babysitting. The two adorable little girls I was watching had one of those tickle-me-Elmo chairs sitting in the living room. Don’t get me wrong, I love Elmo, but I don’t think I’ll look at him the same way again after this night. I lightly bump the chair with my leg and what does it do? It starts emitting this horrible, maniacal-sounding giggle. I’m not used to armchairs vocalizing in any way, so of course I start screaming. Because of that the girls scream, and our friend the Elmo chair was still laughing because apparently he finds joy in terrorizing people. I may never recover.

Anyways, that encounter got me wondering how many other toys there are out there that may or may not be possessed. After doing some research, I had to face the cold, hard truth- there are A LOT. For instance, have you ever seen this thing? It’s only the tip of the iceberg. But one toy I really have a problem with is Furby, also known as the furry bird-thing of doom. I never owned one, but one of the boys I babysit for does, and unfortunately he has a tendency to leave the darn thing on. Therefore, I’ll be up in the playroom reading or doing homework when, out of nowhere, it starts cooing at me. Cute, you say? Well, not when it’s dark, you’re at a strange home, and a toy that’s supposed to be in off mode decides it wants to have a conversation. Still don’t think it’s creepy? Well, you should, because this is the true nature of Furby:



Scared yet? You should be. In fact, you should be VERY scared. Unfortunately the Furby isn’t the only toy that does this. Have you ever walked down the toy aisle in Target? There’s a whole legion of motion-activated baby dolls that start talking when you step in front of them. If that isn’t terrifying I don’t know what is.

Have you ever heard of Boohbahs? They have their own show. It’s the nightmare-inducing version of Teletubbies, as if the Teletubbies weren’t creepy enough already. These Boohbahs are basically fluffy balls with glassy, vacant eyes the size of your fist. I’m not sure if the show is still on TV, but I do know that the toys are still mass-produced. Why?! What kind of parent would even buy these spherical blobs of terror for their pre-school aged children?